An Unfulfilled Life

3

"Bear up my little man. That's it, keep your back straight and be proud of who you are," Seokjin told his 5 year old son as they trudged along to the train station. "We'll be there soon and then appa will show you a lot of the things that you've only heard about in stories."

Seokjin smiled down at his little boy. It had been some of the most trying times of his life, but he had some how survived these past few years. Having JungHwa by his side had made up for all the difficulties that he had had to endure.

Seokjin was on a pilgrimage of sorts. He had suffered in the city, living on the streets again and rummaging through trashcans to get a half eaten meal or stayed at the local group homes. But once they discovered he had a child, he was turned out pretty quickly.

Once, after living rough for more than a year, an old lady had taken pity on him and referred him to a man who needed someone to keep house for him. Seokjin was apprehensive at first, but he had gotten wiser with time and knew how to take care of himself should the need arise. He was a far cry from the young, innocent boy that Yoongi had so easily corrupted.

He had cleaned up himself as best he could and made his way to the interview with the said man, Kim Namjoon. Namjoon was a plumber by trade. A young widower, who had lost his will to live when his wife had died. He had taken to the bottle but only on Friday nights when he would get sloshed and sleep it out on a Saturday. By Sunday, he was over his hangover and ready for work the next day.

But because he was a good tradesman, he was always busy and rarely had time for cleaning house or a home cooked meal. He had been surviving on store bought, ready made meals and take aways until his neighbour suggested he get someone to keep house for him.

At first, Namjoon was averse to the idea, but then realised that it wouldn't hurt to try it out. So here stood Seokjin before him with a little toddler. Namjoon didn't like children of any kind but he didn't mind them if they were quiet. That was okay, since JungHwa didn't know any other way  than to be quiet. His father had raised him to be disciplined and having to go without meals often, had hardened the little boy in his young age very quickly.

The arrangement was a good one. Seokjin was allowed to live in a small backroom and even had access to a little flower garden that he could tend to in his free time as long as, Namjoon's home was clean and he had a hot meal to come home to.

After an eternity, Seokjin felt like the Gods were finally being kind to him. He had a warm home to live under and his little JungHwa could enjoy the luxury of a clean and proper home. His belly was full and although the pay was small, they were both content.

Namjoon was hardly home and was not a demanding man. Seokjin lived and worked for him for three whole years and the only time he ever had to physically take care of Namjoon was when he came home drunk from his local bar.

Things were going so well and JungHwa was flourishing under their new circumstances. He was never a chubby child but living hard on the streets had always kept him wiry and slim. Seokjin should have known that things couldn't last with his track record.

It all started when Namjoon stopped coming home from the bar on his usual Friday night drinking binge. Seokjin heard rumours from their neighbours that Namjoon was seen with a local young woman and that she had become his new drinking buddy and then some.

Eventually, just when Seokjin had bought JungHwa his new school uniform and shoes to start kindergarten at their local school just down the road, Namjoon dropped the bomb that he was getting married again. Seokjin felt like his whole world was collapsing from the inside out. His new wife wanted Seokjin and his kid out before she moved in.

That night, Seokjin had cried while Namjoon looked on sheepishly. He had become quite fond of the man before him but he had no other choice. Seokjin thought about his little room that he had recently decorated and the lovely garden that he had tended and planted new roses but would never see them bloom now, and his heart broke. But he gathered his courage and sought his natural optimism to find the wisdom in his new circumstances.

"It's okay Mr Kim, I've been thinking of moving on anyway. I have a small family in Daegu," Seokjin lied, "and I was thinking of going back there."

Namjoon nodded. He had liked the quiet man and boy was he a good cook but a man cannot survive on meat alone and the company of a young woman who pleasured his body outweighed his need for a clean home and a hot meal. Although his home would no longer be clean and neat, Namjoon would have a companion in his bed and someone to drink with. Isn't the old saying true? A man cannot survive on meat alone, he needs a little bit of something something too.

From the little that he had saved over the years, he was able to buy two train tickets for himself and his son to return to Daegu, where his aunt had had her farm and where Seokjin had spent the best years of his childhood. Something would come up there. He still had hope that he would find a happiness there, in a place that had given him so much joy.

"Why do the trains run on electricity appa?" JungHwa asked his father quietly.

Seokjin turned, grabbing their heavy bags with him and walking along the platform to find their seats on the train. He looked at his son lovingly. Whenever his gaze would fall on his beautiful son, Seokjin who rarely had anything to smile about, would break out into a beautific smile for his son and only joy in his life.

"Well, when I was little, your grandma had taught me that they ran on steam a very long time ago until a famous inventor thought to use electricity and save the coal that was mined from the earth. Using electricity also saved the earth from the horrible soot and smoke that the trains would chug out into the air."

JungHwa nodded his head gravely at his father's words. He never smiled. He was like Seokjin in many ways but Seokjin knew that his son was disappointed when he had realized that the trains ran on electricity. He was hoping to see the big, solid monstrosities that he read about in his story books that his appa would often buy for him so he could learn to read and write.

"Come my angel, let's get settled in our seats and appa will treat you to an ice cream. You'll like that, won't you son?"

"Yes appa. I would be very happy and thankful," JungHwa said gravely. It was very rare that he would get a treat. He knew that his father did not have much and he never whined and disturbed his father for anything.

Seokjin was proud of his son. He was so little yet he had a wealth of understanding that went beyond his years. He knew his son was heartbroken when he didn't see the trains from his picture books so he wanted to make up to him for that by buying him an ice cream.

In truth, Seokjin was extremely afraid. Their future was now even more uncertain. How would they survive when they got to Daegu? They had no place to live and no job for him to go to. Seokjin's heart cried as he patted his son's head as he slept while the train trudged along to their new destination. He had bottled up his real feelings, not wanting to make his son sad but now that he was asleep, Seokjin gazed out of the window of the train and the tears that he had been holding back, ran down his cheeks slowly.

He wiped them away and thanked the Gods for his healthy son and a hope sprung in his young heart that everything would be alright, as long as they had each other.

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I did warn you that this story is full of angst and our protagonist Seokjin will go through many hardships. It remains to be seen if he will find happiness someday....

I purple you 💜

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Love Swty 😙