An Unfulfilled Life

18

Jungkook

It's been a whole week since I last saw him. We live on the same property and we're bound to run into each other at some point yet I know he's actively avoiding me. Hoseok informed me that Jin did not quit and I had breathed a sigh of relief. He was still here, close to me albeit afar.

My heart pained to know that I couldn't go to him like I'd wanted to; that I had to hurt his heart with my father's commands. I wished there was some way for me to be even remotely close to him but I knew he wouldn't want that. But how do I tell my poor, bereaved heart that it will never be close to Seokjin again? How do I rationalize not seeing his handsome face, his beautiful smile, his red tinged ears and cute hamster nose?

I was moody and brooding at my window seat when my sad eyes caught sight of the most beautiful man they had ever laid on, my Seokjinnie. He was tending the roses in the garden below and I could see a quiet smile touch his angelic face as his fingers caressed the soft petals. Oh, how I wished I was that rose, to be caressed by my baby's hand that way.

My state of melancholy only increased when JungHwa came bounding up to his father and Seokjin hugged him tightly. My heart broke and the tears that I had been bravely holding back, spilled forth. I missed him and I wanted JungHwa too to hold me like that, to accept me as his father too.

Although he was quite grave for his age, there was a softness to him whenever he was with his father. I know they've had a hard life. Jin had alluded to some things and even those had broke my heart; imagine the other things that I had no idea of?

I sat up straighter, a plan formed in my mind and I rushed to my closet to change and clean myself up with only one intent, to be near my Seokjinnie and JungHwa.

When I was finally presentable, I bounded down to the garden, my heart lighter and my step quicker in my haste to get to my Seokjinnie. And there he was, sitting on the bench with JungHwa as they talked softly. I felt like an intruder again but I forged ahead, determined to do this. I stepped out of the shadow of the great oak, surprising them.

Immediately, both Seokjin and JungHwa bowed low. Even this action hurt my heart. It showed a distinction between us that I wanted to eradicate.

"Please don't bow Seokjin, JungHwa. I only wished to talk with you. I apologize for intruding on your private time," I hastily began, determined that he wouldn't run off.

He looked at me nervously, fidgeting with his hands and glancing furtively in JungHwa's direction, who remained impassive.

"I just wanted to talk to you Seokjin. I wanted to spend some time with you, purely as a friend, if you will allow me," I tried, my carefully laid out plans in my head now seemingly futile. He stepped back and shifted uncomfortably. Shit! "But if you don't, I'll understand fully."

I stopped and watched him, unaware that someone else was watching us both intently.

"Ahjussi, are you okay?" JungHwa asked, crinkling his nose cutely.

I tore my gaze away from Seokjin with much difficulty and focused on JungHwa. I bent down, smiling at this cute, sweet angel.

"Hey little man. I'm fine. Just a little tired but I was hoping I could spend some time with you and your appa. I kind of missed you guys." My gaze shifted to Seokjin, who was looking anywhere else but at me. I scoffed sadly. "But I guess, your appa doesn't want that."

I got up and moved away, disheartened at his rejection. He hadn't even said anything but I knew he didn't want to spend time with me, probably never wanted to see me again.

"I-I can't today," he said softly and my heart stopped, teetering on a hope rekindled. "My JungHwa and I rarely get to spend time alone and Sundays are my day off. Maybe next week, if you want to?" I could feel the tension, loss and maybe a small inkling of hope in his voice. I turned and faced him.

"I would love that Seokjin. I'd take anything you are willing to give me. I- I miss you........." I couldn't hide my feelings. I truly missed him so much. That one magical evening that we had had been imprinted on my mind for eternity.

His eyes hung onto mine for a second longer until a soft smile played on the corner of his lips. He looked away shyly and interlinked his hands with his son.

"Your grace, I must take your leave now. JungHwa and I have an appointment to keep."

"Of course Seokjin. I look forward to seeing you soon. JungHwa, please take care of your appa for me. Can you do that son?"

I heard my Seokjinnie intake a quick breath at my words. I smiled inwardly.

"Of course ahjussi. I will always take care of my appa." JungHwa smiled at me and I noticed his front tooth was missing. He looked so cute.

"Thank you little man. Now tell me, how did you lose that tooth? Did the tooth fairy steal it?" I joked with him.

"Nah ahjussi. Don't be silly..... I lost it because it was a milk tooth and I'll get a new one pretty soon. Then the tooth fairy will give me something for my tooth. That's how things work," he said matter-of-factly.

I nodded my head gravely, assessing his reasoning whole heartedly, completely aware of Seokjin's eyes on us.

"I see. So you're saying, if I lose something, I'll be sure to get it back after a while?"

"Pretty much. And it might be new and shiny but it will still be yours," JungHwa said importantly.

I turned and looked at my Seokjinnie, who had no doubt got the message I was aiming for. He looked away shyly, biting his bottom lip. He was so cute.

I bent down to JungHwa's level and Seokjin let go of his hand.

"But I'm kind of sad that I lost it in the first place. It was very important to me." I looked at Seokjin again, conveying all my sadness and hopelessness in that one moment.

"Don't worry ahjussi. I will pray for you that you find it again." He cupped my cheeks with his small hands. "And I know you will be happy again."

JungHwa smiled at me and I pulled him in for quick hug. He stiffened up but then relaxed in my hold. I think he was unused to affection from others and I realized in retrospect that I should have asked him first before I acted on impulse. He put his small arms around me and I sighed happily.

When I finally pulled away, his cute, smiling face greeted me and I became aware of a small sound behind us. My Seokjinnie was tearing.

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Hey my swties. I'm so sorry I made you all sad with the previous chapter but this book has a vision and I hope you will all stay with it until the end.

I purple you 💜

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Love Swty 😘