176# Racism and Reality

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Do you ever get sad over something that happened a long time ago because I do.


Racism is not okay. I was bullied by many people during my childhood and look at where I am now. I am terrified of strangers and their thoughts and I constantly find myself crying over things that have no value. My life was total hell and in some twisted way I still think it is. I'm no longer being bullied, but I no longer have friends that could die for me... (like that would ever happen).

I'm still alone, but I grew comforted to that lately. I'm in my last year Middle School and I'm supposed to be the devil's child. My two closest friends, Sean and Erin and couple of other people, tell me I glare at them and am a cold hearted bitch sometimes. I agree sometimes I catch myself glaring at the mirror, even scaring myself. In truth, bulling has made a different person than I am on the inside.

I look like I am perfectly fine or am pissed off, but in reality I'm crying on the inside. I can't even remember the last time that I smiled or laughed for REAL. My life is better now, but how I can revert to my true self.. I guess that can't ever happen now.

The other day I asked my two friends (Who I moved away from a while back) why they chose me as a friend.

'Lili' let's call her that: she said, "I see you as a person who understands me, you see me as a person who understands you. In our fantasy world, we are the perfect opposites of a single heart. That's why you're my friend, my only true friend." 

'Viktor' let's call him that: he said, "When I first met you, you asked me 'do you know where the science class is?', I gave you an answer and you gave me a smile. I couldn't help but think 'A broken smile... I want to fix it.'. That's why I want to be there for you. Because I feel.. If you feel broken now, you will never know what a whole feels like."

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