Stay alive, my love

And then, it really fucking sunk in

Nagisas POV:
Self harm coming up
I woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom. I bolted upright, but quickly calmed down remembering this was Karmas house but than, I remembered why I was here. My mother killed herself and it was my fault. I felt my stomach burning and my hand moved as if it had a mind of its own. I watched as it started fishing around in the bottom dresser drawer for my razor blade. When I was unpacking yesterday I made sure to hide it well. I finally reached it and walked over to the bathroom. I didn't hear Karma around in the house so I assumed he was still asleep.
I sat down on the toilet seat and pulled up my sweatshirt sleeve. I pressed the cold blade against my cheek smiling at the cool feeling it had against my skin. I lowered my hand down to my wrist and started uncontrollably slashing the blade against myself. I was gritting my teeth down so tight as to not make a sound. I only realized how long I'd been viscously mutilating my body when I heard Karma walking out of his room towards the kitchen. My head snapped up and I immediately grabbed a bandage and wrapped it around my arm. I didn't bother to clean my injuries. I almost never did at this point. I stepped out of the bathroom and placed my blade back down into  the bottom drawer. I than took a deep breath and walked out into the kitchen to be greeted by Karma. He waved and smiled at me brightly. I tried to give him a smile back but it felt weak and shaky. What was this? I've gotten so good at fake smiling... was I seriously not able to give one just then? I mean... how could I when... when I killed my mother.
All of a sudden I was overtaken by a serious dizziness. I swayed on my feet and heard footsteps rush towards me. I felt warm strong hands on my body, one tightly secured onto my arm, and the other on my chin, pushing my face upwards.
"Oh karma... it's you... haha" my voice sounded all distant and muffled
"Nagisa!? Hey! Nagisa, what's gotten into you!?" Again, I could just barely hear him. "You're pale as a ghost... Nagisa!?" And then, I saw him look down. He grabbed one of my arms and pulled my sleeve up looking at my wrist. His eyes widened and I hear a distant voice saying "so much blood... Nagisa, what have you done?" I saw those beautiful, treasure golden eyes pierce through mine and felt his strong arms warp around my wrists before I smiled to myself. I softly murmured the words "it'll all be okay Ka-" but before I could finish, everything went dark and I felt my knees go weak.

Karmas POV:
Nagisa walked into the kitchen and I smiled at him waving but something was off... he was rocking back and forth in a sort of... unsteady way? His skin was also ghostly pale. He than did something that broke my heart. He gazed up at me with devastated eyes and I saw his mouth twitch a little to form the smallest smile a person could possibly imagine, before he then swayed threateningly on his feet. I ran over to him yelling his name and asking what was happening but he seemed so out of it. His eyes were glazed over and he kept swaying on his feet. Then, realization struck me. The words of the doctors voice filled my head "be careful. His mind being put through any more trauma could cause his symptoms to come back despite the medications." I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled up his sleeve to reveal a blood SOAKED bandage. Droplets of scarlet red hit the floor as I looked up at him. Horror etched in every crevasse of my face.
"So much blood... Nagisa, what have you done?"
I watched as Nagisas lips curled into a soft warm  smiles before I hear him mutter a quiet "it'll all be okay Ka-" before he could finish his body collapsed and his eyes closed.

Time skip:
It had been one month since Nagisa passed out from blood loss. He had gone to the hospital and once he was healthy again, sent back home. Through that month Nagisa had opened up to me a lot. He told me things about his past that made my head hurt. The stories disturbed me so much I actually had nightmares a few nights after he disclosed his past to me. He told me about how his father would rape him multiple times a week ever since he reached the age of five and how when he was 13 his father was arrested for murder and given a life sentence. He had told me about the horrifying hallucinations he has of his father and of how his mother had been beating him for as long as he could remember. He explained to me about how his mother would only allow him to eat the smallest portions of food as little as possible. He told me how his mother would lock him in the basement without food, water, or human contact for as far as up to two days. He even told me about how one time he let himself fall off a roof in hopes to die and about how he started cutting at the ripe old age of eight years old. He explained to me about how he felt that the only person who ever cared for him until he met me was his Grandma who died the day after Christmas when he was seven. He told me about how the bullying at school was nothing new to him and how he'd never had a proper friend before because they all left when they found out he saw invisible people or that he intentionally cut himself.
When I say that it felt like I was being pushed deeper and deeper into hell with every word he spoke, I mean it. For a while after I figured out all that he'd been through, I found myself often looking in the mirror to see water welled up in the corners of my eyes. It took a while for most of the shock to wear off but I've recovered a lot since hearing all about what had happened to him. It still burns like hell fire every once and a while when the images of Nagisa being locked in a basement with nothing or no one flashed across my eyes or when visions of when he picked up a blade for the first time barreled there way through my mind, but at the same time, I somehow felt warmth in my heart... like I was happy. It took a while to figure out why but when I did, it made my cheeks burn a bright red. I was happy because I was getting closer to him. He was trusting me enough to tell me these things. I think... I think I just might love this crystal eyed boy.