wheels on the bus ➸ [larry au]

ღ chapter sixteen ღ

HARRY'S POV:

"mr. styles," a voice, that belonged to my english professor, says interrupting my jumbled thoughts. i shake my head, trying to get rid of all the unnecessary thoughts i needed for the he class but it's when i noticed the class' emptiness. had i really zoned out throughout the whole lecture?

i look embarrassedly at the professor before grabbing my things and heading out of the classroom. running my fingers through my curly hair, that lately has gotten even more curly, i decide on going back to my dorm. i had another lecture in about two hours so that gave me plenty of time to play my console and take a nap or two.

making my way through the semi-crowded halls, i manage to find my dorm. i greet michael, who was one of my roommates, and he nods back as a form of greeting me back. i walk over to my small and not very comfortable bed and admire the huge england flag that hangs on the wall. i have been gone for two months now and the feeling of missing home never gets any less.

deciding to study in america was truly one of the hardest decisions i had to make. especially leaving mum. but i make sure to facetime her at least twice a week so i don't miss out on much and so i'm constantly speaking to her. deciding on studying in the capital of america truly was the best decision i made though. i've been to so many landmarks and museums and i just love the vibe here.

"you don't have class, styles?" michael asks from across the room.

"not until noon, why?" i answer by propping myself (a/n: again idk if that's a word) up on my elbows to look over at him.

"wanna head over to get some all-day-breakfast?" he questions putting on his jacket as it was starting to get a bit chilly here-it being october and all. i shake my head, really just wanting to stay here in my bed before heading to class in a few. he nods understanding my need for rest and leaves me alone in the small over cramped dorm room.

again, i was left alone to my thoughts. words echoed in my head. the silence in the dorm makes it worse as words i've heard my whole life or simply words that i have never forgotten about start to circle in my head.

"just leave us alone, yeah? both of you."

"grow up, harry."

"mum may baby you but i'm not gonna."

those words have haunted me ever since that day. vivid memories of me crying myself to sleep for months suddenly start running through my mind. i groan, hoping that this feeling would leave soon. he was past this.

i had grown up. i no longer felt the need to pine over someone who clearly didn't want to be friends with me in the first place. or at least someone who only took pity in me and decided that enough was enough. yet my mind still didn't get the memo.

it felt like i was still the same four year old yet i'm not. i'm eighteen. but why did i still feel like it was recent when in reality this occurred over fourteen years ago? could it be the fact that i had to grow up with him always in the house, hanging out with my sister when it used to be me. or could it be the countless nights i would have to hear gemma talk about her crush on fourteen year old louis. and later watch them date during their high school years.

in all honesty, moving to america to study seemed like a fresh start for me. i wouldn't have to be reminded everywhere i looked about the harsh reality of losing a friend. especially losing one to your older sibling. cause that shit just hurts.

i grabbed my phone and quickly tried to quiet down my thoughts with music. lately, it was the only thing that helped. now wishing i would have gone with michael to eat, i sigh. how hard could it be to forget one single memory?