isolation [matty healy]

pt. 10: frail

(matty)

"ah, fuck's sake," i said to george as our car finally came into view.

we had been wandering around the trails for hours trying to get back to our vehicle. now that we were no longer lost, and finally walking up to the car, i could feel my anxious heartbeat start to slow.

i really did agree with george when he said we should go for a hike today. i really thought it was a good idea. but now? now i felt like an idiot. an exhausted, sweaty idiot, who couldn't think of a single silver lining in that particular moment.

maybe the one good thing that came out of this day was that because i couldn't use my phone, i couldn't act on any thought of wanting to try and call carrie today. hopefully she feels all the more respected... but i was almost desperately hopeful that she would be ready to talk again once i could use my phone.
i wonder if she tried to ring me? or if she's waiting for me to ring her?

bollocks, i sound like a child.

"i'll drive," george said, wiping sweat from his brow.

"that's okay george," i said, holding my hand out for him to give me the keys. "please let me. you drove us all the way out here. it's the least i could do."

he hesitated for a moment, but the thought of being able to rest his mind and legs in the car was too tempting, and he nodded as he handed me the keys, making his way to the passenger side.

it was going to be a long drive back, but i was looking forward to being behind the wheel. being able to concentrate on the road was going to be the perfect thing to occupy my frail mind for a few hours.

we sat down in the car, cringing at the hot air blasting through the vents, and then letting out a sigh of relief as the aircon kicked in. we gave each other a silent look, and then i cracked a smile at him.

"you know you're my best friend, right george?" i said, patting his arm.

"i bloody well better be," he replied, and we laughed together.

i started the car, and we made our way out of the car-park, and away from the hiking trails that stole so many hours of the day from us.
i just wanted to get us some water, and get back to the house as quick as possible.

———————

(carrie)

i was gnashing my teeth together under my mask, counting the seconds until the conversation was over. i felt ambushed, cornered, and powerless.

i knew i had every right to just walk away. but when you run into someone who wasn't supposed to be at dinner, wasn't supposed to even be in town, and you're paralyzed by their very presence, what can you do? i was running out of patience, and i was very close to snapping.

"so anyway," julie said, "how have you been dealing with everything?"

i cleared my throat, trying to force myself to be polite so as not to disrupt the cook-out, and replied,
"just about as well as anyone else, i suppose. amanda is great. made some new friends. just trying to be responsible and do whatever i can to slow the spread."

"wow!" she said with a high-pitched sort of laugh. "it sounds so heroic when you say it like that. i've had the worst time trying to keep up with my hair and nails from home. i really do wonder what nate would've thought about all of this-"

"hey carrie," amanda interrupted, putting her body between us as she had just realized who had been speaking to me alone for the last 10 minutes. "could i borrow you? sorry to interrupt, julie." even with a mask on, amanda's eyes were powerful and intimidating, and all julie could do was silently nod in response.