isolation [matty healy]

pt. 14: enough

i don't remember whose idea it was, but matty turned the tv on once we each finished talking on the phone.

we were sitting comfortably on the couch, chatting away, and the tv stayed on in the background. but neither of us were watching it because we were too engrossed in our conversation. well, multiple conversations.

he and i were similar in the way that we would jump between many different topics in one sitting, ranging from the most surface-level questions (what sort of movies do you like?) to deeper topics (let's talk about equality). the cool thing was, matty and i didn't agree on everything. and that was okay. there was no hard-headed debating, there was no anger. he gave me the space to express myself freely and i did the same for him. i loved getting to hear about his background; the experiences that had informed his opinions and beliefs. he mirrored many of my questions and i felt myself opening up more and more. once again i was thankful for how easy he was to talk to.

as he was speaking to me about some horror movie he and george had watched a few days before (we were already back to lighter topics), i silently reflected upon the fact that i never thought i would be comfortable being so close to matty. it wasn't because of him being popular, or me being starstruck; i didn't see him as this famous, abstract idea. i saw a guy with a sweet smile. i saw a guy who loved to connect. i saw a guy who was considerate, and thoughtful, and fiercely dedicated to his loved ones. i saw a guy who just noticed i was completely zoned out of our conversation.

"am i boring you, care?" he asked, giving me a look.

my heart thudded at the sound of the nickname he'd given me, and i was embarrassed again.

"i got lost in a train of thought, sorry," i replied, gently patting him on the arm. "i do want to hear about the blood and guts. please tell me more."

"actually," he said, leaning forward to look at a clock underneath the tv, "it's just gone 6. do you want something to eat? i'm not sure what food we have left."

i thought for a moment, and then asked, "do you want to come over to my house?"

i looked at him as he considered this, and then he nodded. "i'll need to have a wee first, but then we can go," matty said, making me giggle.

we both stood up, stretching our legs and laughing about how quickly the time had flown. matty went to the restroom, i stood around near the front entryway and stared blankly at some of the wall art. i thought hopefully about how the rest of this day was going to go, and then matty came to where i was standing and put his shoes on.

"it's like we stepped into a damn time warp or something," i said as i made my way toward the front door, sliding my shoes on and grabbing my keys off a small table near the door.

we caught each other's eyes for a moment, and then we both started to sing, "let's do the time warp agaaaaaaaain-" accompanied by some very bad dance moves on my part.

matty was laughing as he grabbed his house keys, and as we walked out the door and onto the sidewalk, we chatted about our first times watching 'the rocky horror picture show'.

"God, i think i was probably 10 years old or something," he said, tucking his keys into his pocket after locking his door. "probably explains a lot."

"10 is pretty young for that," i agreed, "i think i watched it when i was 14 or 15. which i still think is too young, but who knows. i actually used to get together with friends in high school to watch the movie and hang out. it was very 'perks of being a wallflower' of us."

we had made it to my house, so i stepped onto the front porch and unlocked the door. i stood aside as matty had done for me, to allow him to walk in first. he walked in. he immediately slid his shoes off onto the mat in the entryway, and stepped further into the house as i stepped in and shut the door behind us.