Endless Appetite

Black on White

Simon looked at the ginger woman in front of him, drawing and softly moving to the music, smiled a little.

"Clary?"

She turned around, taking her headphones out.

"Simon!" With a smile she hugged him tightly. "Did you finish talking already?"

"Yeah, I couldn't help him much anyway."

She nodded and pointed to her bed. When Simon sat down she took a seat next to him, took his hand and pressed it softly.

"It was about Jace, right?"

Simon sighed. "What's up with you two? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I mean... He's out for patrol quite often. But other than that everything is okay. At least between us. But when he comes back..." Clary started explaining. "He's so far away. His thoughts are always somewhere else"

Gently Simon put an arm around his friend and pulled her closer.

"I guess it was just a lot that was going on. With Valentine, Jonathan, the sword... and whatever happened at Lake Lyn..." He tried to explain and she nodded.

"Maybe... I just hope he's opening up to someone. Alec or-"

"Alec doesn't know what's going on either..."

"Huh? But he's his Parabatai"

"I know but... he asked me if I knew something. But of course I don't."

"How did the talk with Jace end, anyway?" Clary wanted to know but Simon just shrugged.

"We didn't really talk. He didn't want to."

They both sighed. It's been rough days but still, wasn't it finally time to settle all of this, free the mind and get rid of all the bad thoughts, now that Valentine and Jonathan were dead?

But maybe it was just Simon. He had started a new life again, with being a daylighter. For the others it was different. They were still dealing with the same things as always, demons lingering in the mundane world.

His eyes wandered off to the canvas stand and the drawing on it.

"Is that the angel?" Simon asked.

Clary nodded. "That's Raziel over Lake Lyn. After Valentine summoned him"

Simon got up again and took a step closer.

"Looks impressive" He said. "Is there anything else you drew recently?"

"Oh, yeah! Sure! Let me show you" She took her sketchbook and showed it to Simon who went through the pages until he stopped at a picture of Jace.

There he was, sleeping on what apparently was Clary's bed. He smiled a little and suddenly there was his smell again. Had it been there all the time? Was he making up things again? He frowned and Clary gently touched his shoulder.

"Hey, is everything okay?"

"I just thought... Jace always tries to keep up the straight, strong and cold mask he's wearing. But here he looks so vulnerable..." Simon explained.

When he had bitten down into Jace's arm and the glamour had worn off there had been also this vulnerable expression. It's been different than the one on the drawing of course. But still... the soft eyes with all the worries, maybe even fear. While Jace had always avoided the look to him when he had been drinking, that moment his eyes had been completely focused on the vampire as if he wanted to make sure he really was safe and-

"Simon?"

"Sorry? Did you say something?" Simon looked at Clary, slowly coming back to reality. He could still taste Jace's blood on his lips...

"It's strange. Jace is the same. Suddenly his thoughts wander off. But I've never seen that on you. Are you okay?"

Simon paused, not knowing if he should really talk to her about this, though he already did with Alec. But this was different. It was about her boyfriend. And it just didn't seem right to talk about him like this?

Still, she was his best friend and so he started telling her about his feelings, about the fact, that Jace was always on his mind, that he was confused about that, that he smelled him, tasted him on his lips. Clary tensed a bit, but she seemed to understand that this had nothing to do with any feelings for him. It was a vampire thing. A vampire and Shadowhunter thing. And then there was the angel blood as well. So a lot was going on.

"Maybe it just takes a bit longer?" She just suggested

"Clary. It's been weeks. And I've never got this feeling with anyone else. I've never... craved for any blood like I'm doing now with his."

"Then it's quite obvious. It really is the angel blood. I guess it'll just stop at some point. Maybe it's like with drugs? Once you got the hard stuff it's not easy to go back anymore"

"You mean from now on I can only really feed from him?"

"No, I mean... You're dried out. And you have to get used to the feeling at some point..."

Simon wasn't really convinced. But then again, how should Clary understand. A Shadowhunter couldn't understand. No one could. Not just this very situation but the endless appetite in general. The craving, the hunger, the thirst for blood. It wasn't just like any human being hungry or thirsty. It was painful, it was not thinking about anything else but blood. In very bad moments he could only hear blood rushing through the veins, the heartbeats of humans around him and he could smell it all around, not stopping until he finally drank something.

"I guess so..." Simon gave in, eventually. What else should he say anyway? He knew this was different. He could feel it. Because it was about Jace's blood. Clary herself had angel blood as well. He could smell it. And still he wasn't drawn to her like it was with Jace.

"You're going to be okay, Simon. It just takes time" The ginger woman said softly and kissed Simon's cheek.

"Thanks. Yeah, you're right, Fray" Shrugging his thoughts off he went to the door. "In the mood for cinema in a few days?"

"Sure! Let me know when. I'll check with my shift."

When Simon left the institute again Jace was still there, now standing at one of the big displays, looking for something in the system. He looked at him, trying to push all the thoughts aside that were dwelling up in his head and rushed out.