Endless Appetite

Changes

When Simon had left the institute again he knew he had to talk with yet another person. Maia. After their last argument they hardly held any contact. But now it just had to be. Simon couldn't be in a relationship with her while all those things were going on. Did she even realize that he had went missing? Somehow he really doubted that. In the end he didn't even know if they were still a couple. He didn't have any messages of Maia on his phone. She probably already decided to not go on like this. With him.

As much as he wanted to talk to her now to clear up everything, he just couldn't but decided to do it the next day. Instead he went to his apartment, locked his door and even put a chair in front of it, though he knew that this wouldn't keep any vampire or demon out of his home. Still, it gave him the feeling of being safe, at least for a while.

The rest of the night and half of the next day had been hard. He managed to sleep in somehow but woke up lots of times. He had been offered to stay at the institute and he regretted it to not have accepted it. Now he was lying in his bed, terrified, always expecting someone to show up and taking him away again.

At some point he just couldn't sleep again and so he distracted himself with playing guitar and some video games. His mobile was constantly next to him, muted, but the display lit up so many times and when he checked after some hours he had Clary and Magnus checking on him. But no message from Jace.... Of course there wasn't anything like that. Why should he even write him? He took a closer look at the messages and sighed. Jace had talked to Clary, after he had left. So they weren't a couple anymore. And this was probably for the better. His friend even suggested Simon to talk to Jace again. Why? If there was anything important Jace would have let him know, right?

He shook his head. He couldn't think more about this, yet. There was enough going on right now and his maybe-still-girlfriend maybe was waiting for him, worried. Or maybe not. If she was worried, there would have been calls, messages, anything. But there wasn't. He sighed deeply, got up and dressed more appropriately to go outside.
It was late afternoon already and his legs took him down the street until he was standing in front of the pub his girlfriend was working at.

Slowly he opened the door to the Hunter's Moon where Maia was standing at the bar, mixing cocktails as he entered. Her face lit up as she saw him but she finished her work and handed out the drinks until Simon came closer.

"Do you have a second? I'd like to talk with you"
Maia nodded. "I'll ask someone to take over"
And while she did that and got a drink for Simon ready, the vampire already sat down in a corner, waiting for his girlfriend.

"I'm glad you finally want to talk to me..." The werewolf said as she sat down. "You know, I had to think about it a lot but... It's okay, Simon. I forgive you."
Simon looked startled, not sure if he understood correctly. She thought he came here to apologize? What for? That she made some accusations? That she left him alone without really listening to him? He opened his mouth, closed it again. He was so puzzled he just didn't know what to say.
"So, what is going on?" Maia finally asked and put her hand on Simon's. But Simon couldn't keep his hand where it was. He pulled it back, took a sip of the blood Maia had brought him and frowned.
"I don't know if you really care or not. After... not even listening to me. After basically ignoring everything I said just because I have talked to something else first who was actually more involved in all of what is going on with me and-"
"I should be the one. I'm your girlfriend. Whatever concerns you also concerns me."
"See? And that is not true. Because sometimes things are happening only the people involved might understand. Like this. But to be honest, not even the people involved understand it." Simon took a deep breath. "I need to understand it, though. I need to find out what all of this means to me and what is happening"
"What are you talking about?"
"You'd know if you'd listened last time I tried to explain."
Maia frowned and crossed her arms. "Now you're really childish. Last time you made up excuses without really talking!"
"I tried. And you left me alone! I tried to explain you how this blood thing works and-"
"Did you find out?"
"No. But that is not even the point." Simon answered, his voice helpless. What else should he do? What else should he say?
"That is exactly the point, Simon. As long as you don't understand..."
"I really want to and I try to explain this to you but you won't even listen and I just spent the last days at some creepy place with vampires torturing me and I still don't know what is going on and honestly, though telling me you do, you don't even care. Can we just... I mean... I really like you as a friend but this whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing just doesn't work out between us. At the moment I can't give you the attention you deserve and you can't give me the attention I deserve so I don't know if we... really should keep this going."

There was silence and Simon could see anger in her eyes but also worries. She didn't get what was going on with Simon and why he reacted like that but maybe it really was for the best to just... let it go. Just move on. Maybe at some point Simon would know how he really felt and maybe they could try again then but right now none of this worked out.

Maia looked at Simon for some moments before she slowly nodded.

"I guess you're right, Simon... This way we both can think about our feelings more and I still enjoy you coming here."
"That won't stop for sure. No one gets me a better Bloody Mary than my favorite bartender" The vampire smiled slightly and Maia joined in.
They didn't really clear things up but at least there was no pressure on Simon anymore. He felt much better this way. He didn't need to feel bad to talk to someone else instead of Maia anymore, though, to be fair, he also didn't feel bad to do so until she had pointed it out. Because for him it had felt so natural to talk to other people if it was about Jace. Clary, who had been Jace's girlfriend or Alec, who was Jace's Parabatai. Maia wouldn't understand and she didn't even know Jace enough.

"I guess I need to go back to work then." Maia finally concluded and Simon wasn't disappointed but still somewhat surprised she didn't even ask about the fact he had been kidnapped. So he just murmured a Have fun before he left the pub. This way he didn't see how Maia didn't go behind the counter but left the Hunter's Moon through the back door.

Simon rushed back to his apartment, locked the door and finally felt more relaxed. There was too much going on in his head and all around him and he just had no time to really think about it. Especially now that they had... this moment. They had kissed. And Simon was so confused about that. How did that happen? They had hugged and then suddenly their lips had been pressed together, softly but longing. The sensation of that kiss had made his body react in so many weird ways. But the weirdest of those reactions was the fact that he had felt his heartbeat. Or what he thought was his. In the end it could have also been an... echo of Jace's.

Whatever it had been, he wanted to feel it again and this could only happen if the Shadowhunter was with him. But... would he even want that? Would he want to be... close to him again? After all they had kissed but that didn't have any meaning, right? It was just... that moment...