your glorious indifference

talk about it

i. so we talk for hours about the same things / how we don't know how to feel loved / how my parents fucked me up and the way yours have always loved you / how we could probably make flowers bloom during winter / how your eyes see strange, dark things at four in the morning / smoke seven cigarettes in a row / finish two bottles of stolen wine / we talk for hours / and i want to knit my bones into your bones / call you meu amor, mon coeur, cariño / your fingers in my mouth / kiss you with what seems like anger / create metaphors out of everything in your face / you tell me you're going to give me a lot to write about / smile because your eyes are kinder than most / and i never know what to do with my hands /

ii. so you tell me where it hurts / tell me the way you've always hated your body / the way your brain worked / the way you speak / your fucking eyes / tell me you can't see the fire in them anymore / could do anything for you / could eat the sun and burn myself in the process / could become the prettiest disappearing girl this world has ever seen / build you an arsenal and blow you up with my miserable poems / pretend you are more than a child in adult's clothing / work in one of the highest skyscrapers in the city / only to fill your refrigerator / nine hours of merciless angst / barely survive the triviality of daily life /  touch me with your hands / your eyes / your words /

iii. how are you? / writing? / poems? / call you in the high of my lack of sobriety / let you know how beautiful you look under the sun / let you know violets have become my favourite flower after you told me you liked purple / hope you know what that means / you smile and it makes water prick at the edges of my eyes / there's nothing wild in me / tell me in a dream that nothing terrifies you / i wake up thinking that's true / send me smoke signals i can never really decipher / your name a knife that makes me want to spit blood /

iv. so we never really talk about it / how we are still so lonely it breaks our teeth / how you've never understood my questions / and my inconsistency / take your apology and feed it to the paper shredder / the dusk is always hiding your face / it makes me half believe your shallow lies / could have loved the daylight out of you / but didn't / or at least that's what i let you think / pray that my ribs won't abandon my heart / pray that the monster in the sky will swallow us / or just you / watch you hold your head above sea level / look down on me with what seems like disdain / drink some more / here's to growing up / here's to the bombs bursting in the backyard / here's to the pretty hostility of things /

v. so we never talk anymore about it / the mess we made of it / the letters that were never sent / the blood on the floor / i try to find peace in the silence / learn how to make these bones my own / learn to stop turning people into metaphors / learn to stop building houses in their throats / swallow fireflies that light up my insides / wake up with a mouthful of honey / get used to the smell of jasmine and morning mist / change my name / move to another continent with enough money to survive for the next three days / meet strangers on the streets and love them / spit out my heart / spit out yours / dance / dance in wild indifference /