your glorious indifference

a love letter before dying

dearest,

please forgive me for writing such

a miserable letter.

i am in a locked cubicle,

the one we wake up in every day

and just now,

i have become the final girl in all my nightmares.

i set fire to the bed sheets,

to the sofa cushions and

now the flames are making its way to me.

i smile, smile, smile because i know

you'll have this miserable letter.

think of it as a poem, almost like a love letter.

i think it's important to let you know

that yesterday with you was so much fun.

i think it's important to let you know

that life with you is so much fun

and it was beautiful to have been able

to pluck wildflowers, see the moon before sunrise

and write poems about you

but unfortunately,

loneliness is a kind i can't quench.

death has been knocking on my door

for years now and it was only a matter of time.

i will melt, melt, melt like wax

and everything is golden now.

yellow has always been my favourite colour.

i wish i could have told you earlier

about how i was getting bad again.

when they find me,

don't let them call me an arsonist,

don't let them call me a madwoman,

just let them know that i've had

my share of living days.

my brain is about to become a

mere pudding of pulp and now

i am writing my last words and they

are for you, just for you.

i will place them under the bed

and pray the flames won't eat them up,

and perhaps they will come out unscathed.

if they do, you were always meant to read them

if not, well then, god is a dirty crook

and he must be laughing at me

in ridiculous wretchedness.

dearest, i will be dead soon

and my skin will turn into rose petals

and my bones into dust,

the rainfall will lick the ashes clean

and this is not too ugly as an ending

with death as my final masterpiece.

just know now that these words are for you,

just for you.