Chasing Normal || Leondre Devries

Chapter 14

I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat, heart pounding. I was breathing rapidly and there were tears streaming down my cheeks. I quickly turned on the lamp on my nightstand and looked at the time. It was 1:32 AM. I had only been asleep for a little over an hour.

Leo was back in his own bed. He said he wanted Charlie to get used to living in his apartment before he brought him anywhere else. He didn't want to stress him out.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I washed my face and looked into the mirror. It was an eerie feeling, looking at myself in the mirror with the slightly dim light overhead. It was as if I didn't even recognize myself. I was fully awake, yet it still felt like I was dreaming.

I dove deep into thought, just staring at my face that stared right back at me. I came to the conclusion that I just didn't know who I was anymore. My life felt off in so many ways. Maybe it was because I'd become so infatuated with the image of a perfect, unproblematic life that I had been pushing away any ounce of fun. It was like I was chasing after 'normal.'

Sure I'd gone to a party, I danced all night to One Direction, I had a few good times, but none of it felt like the life I wanted. Possibly it was the feeling of getting older. But I didn't want that yet. Everything had been moving so quickly the past few months.

Does living 'happily ever after' really happen to people? It's always been made out to be perfect, right? Well if that's the case, then define 'perfect.' Because my life is not perfect. But I don't want it to be, and I've finally realized it.

I wanted things to be the way they were the first time I went into the janitor's closet. Everything was so different then. I had nothing to worry about.

I wanted to go back.

*****

I got the job at the mental health clinic. Evie came running into my room when I started screaming after hanging up the phone. She joined my screaming for the next few minutes.

I called Leo and told him about my new job, and he was beyond happy for me. He said that he was on his way over with a celebration cake.

After shoveling cake down our throats and putting Evie to bed, Leo and I sat on the couch, staring at a TV that wasn't even on. That's when I told him.

I said everything that was on my mind. From my fear of growing up to my wildest dreams, and then he told me his.

What interested me the most was the fact that he wanted to be a rapper.

"Not a bad one. Not one of those shitty mumblers or one of those assholes who think spending money and fucking bitches are personality traits. I wanna inspire people," he explained. "I know most rappers say that, but I'm dead serious."

So we started the next day. We spent all afternoon transforming his guest bedroom into a studio. The scene was rough, but it would do for the meantime.

We went out and bought $1,000 worth of equipment all in one day. I wanted to help him make his dream come true.

So I did just that.