MUD - An LGBT+ Story

No Turning Back

Walking round to the bus stop with Andy we were also joined by Him today, He was going to my house to finalise Drama and start writing the script also the stage direction. It was already starting to go dark, the sky was turning an inky indigo and the late November air was bracing as we walked along, we started talking about our Art work and Andy asked Him about His project "I'm going to take the school group photo and incorporate it into a collage with also a graffiti style" He spoke confidently in a way that which showed He was enthusiastic about the project "Sounds good, I'm sad you missed the presentation because of the suspension" I said as my heart sank a little thinking back about it "Oh don't worry, still had to do the presentation but just via video, it worked out so no big deal" he smiled "John deserved it anyway, but best not to get any more detentions or things will get messed up" the casual tone of his voice still gave the impression he wasn't too bothered about the situation. Turning the corner Andy announced "Okay guys your bus stop, I have a bit further to walk before I'm home, enjoy your umm revision" looking at Him and glancing to me with a sly slime on his face, we said bye and Andy carried on walking. There was a few minutes until the bus was due and the sky had now turned into night with street lights and traffic headlights illuminating the roads. I was feeling nervous as this was the first time He would have visited my home, stepped inside my bedroom and was sure He would scan the room and form a whole new impression of me based on what he sees, similar to what I did in his house. The bus arrived and we jumped onboard and followed Him up onto the upper deck and sat at the very front so we could see out of the big windows and survey the route as we went along the roads, through the town centre and on towards my home. Sitting very close next to each other with part of our legs touched making us smile "Do you like this?" He asked softly I wasn't really sure what he meant "of course, its nice being able to study with you" there was a slight flicker in his smile and somehow the vibes from His body language gave me the impression I had just said the wrong thing. At this point the bus arrived at our stop and we jumped off and made the short walk to my house "Nice area" He complimented, as we walked I was noticeably quiet as my response on the bus was niggling at my conscious as I tried to decode the reason behind His question and began to realise asking about liking this was a reference to us! Us sitting close, how could I be so dumb? Of course I liked it but don't know how to put it into words and too stupid to be aware of the times when He was asking, this kicked my mind into gear and thought I need to show or tell Him my feelings that I really do like it. After navigating through the endless housing estate we arrive at my house which had a small front garden and bright red door. We went straight up to my bedroom, my parents were at work which was good for now, at least, turning the light on in my bedroom revealed a very organised room a bed up against the side wall on the left, along the back wall a small set of drawers with a lamp on top a long with an alarm clock and wardrobe, to the right as you walk in was the window on the windowsill was a Lego racing car and you can look down out of the window onto the back garden. Opposite the wardrobe was my desk and chair on the desk was a small computer monitor standing on top of a Playstation on the wall directly behind it a notice board filled with lots of pinned notes along my timetable and the photo of the dormitory group. Next to my desk was a tall bookshelf which was full of DVDs, books and revision work, I could see his eyes scan around the room as we put our bags down "tidy, but I knew it would be" He walked to the desk and saw the photo on the notice board "Nice! liking that photo of all of us." I let him explore and took some books out of my bag and put them on the desk, took off my blazer and tie hanging them up in the wardrobe, He took His blazer off and put it on the back of my chair and placed His tie on the desk. There was a sense of awkwardness in the air, and got the feeling He was sad still thinking about my reply on the bus and I needed to correct the situation "do you want a drink?" Asking to try and break the tension "um shall we make a start first, I was thinking we could practice that last scene again for Drama?" His eyes darted to me then down to the carpet "sure" stepping forward knowing what I needed to do, what I wanted to do, and stepping forward again looking directly at him "yes I do like this" and kissed Him softly, smiled and in a instant the nervous tension evaporated and we were both relaxed and suddenly at ease "I like this ending" He whispered and I quickly kissed Him again "time for work, lets get this script finished" and sat on my chair and pulled up to the desk pushed his tie and books back to make space for the laptop and opened the lid, He lay back on my bed looking up to the ceiling and we started to work. Time passed quickly as the script flowed, adding all the stage directions, lighting and music cues "I will find some bad ass volcano sound effects" He added still laying on his back on my bed "Cool, cheers" I glanced over from my laptop "think we're done, just when should the lights cut to black at the end? Should it be when we are kissing?" Asking as I was still undecided and he rolled onto his side to think "hmm to make it more dramatic it should be as soon as we embrace and a split second before we kiss, that's when the lights should cut with the sound of volcanic eruption to make it as dramatic as possible" smiling in the knowledge He was totally right I nodded "yes perfect" and quickly typed the idea to finalise the end and closed my laptop sitting back in my chair "we done?" He asked "yep, just need to do a few rehearsals and ask about the lighting, can do this in the next Drama class, think we are pretty much there" I spun the chair around a bit whilst speaking "Nice one! Lets chill for a bit before I go" he reached for his iPod and started playing The Darkness - I Believe in a Thing Called Love and He looked silly doing an air guitar in the middle of my room and pulling me off the chair I joined in and started to sing and jump along to the music, admittedly we struggled to hit the high notes be we didn't care it was like a release of energy, excitement and some relief and it was intoxicating. As the song ended we sat on the bed out of breath yet laughing and he looked into my eyes, the pause felt like time had stoped both unsure what to do next, the slam of the door from downstairs broke His gaze and this was a sign my Mum was home, I jumped up and sat at my desk as footsteps could be heard on the stairs just opening the laptop in time before Mum peeked her head around the door "Hi, nice to meet you I was told you might be here after school, do you want a drink or snacks?" Mum polite as always "No thank you I was just going as we have finished the script for Drama" accepting His answer she nodded and went back downstairs and we both sniggered quietly together He gave me a kiss and put His blazer on "better go" picking up his bag "sure" sounding distracted as my mind though okay kissing is definitely a thing now "I'll go to the bus stop with you" quickly grabbing my shoes "Thanks I'd get lost in this maze of an estate" He laughed. Putting my coat on we were ready to go, told Mum I was just taking Him to the bus stop and wouldn't be long. Outside had distinctly turned into night time as the cold attacked the senses more intensely, I waited with him until the bus arrived "ya know next time you can come round to mine... maybe..." He stoped what he was going to say so I replied "sure" sounding encouraging hoping He would continue his sentence "maybe what?" I prompted, He looked down "Maybe you could stay over?" What He just said took me by surprise and hoped it didn't show on my face as my mind went into overdrive with many questions, stay over? What does this mean? Where will I sleep? What will happen? The question my mind selected to ask was "Like stay the night?" there was a pause "yes" He looked and sounded shy. Not wanting to sound like my insides were melting with anxiety I gave the best answer in the circumstances "will need to check with parents" a non comital answer pleased me at this moment and we both smiled and could tell He looked more relaxed. The bus approached, we hugged briefly and waved as He got onboard, walking back home all that was on my mind was the thought of staying at His house, piecing it together, this could be a way of doing more than kiss. The weight of expectation and pressure felt heavy on my thoughts as I trudged upstairs to my room and fell face first into my pillow, emotions were building up inside a mix of anger, guilt and frustration the conflict of wanting to stay yet thinking things might happen. I don't want to do anything more that just kiss Him and my heart broke, I like Him a lot, like kissing and hugging but anything more isn't something on my mind. Turning on my back whilst laying on my bed these thoughts took over my emotions, looking through my phone sent Jen a message: