Daydreams

She's Gone

The last note echoes through the church for what seems like an eternity, somehow that note is the single thing keeping me together, and then it wavers and dies. I hold my breath, trying not to feel, trying not to cry. But to no avail. The tears start forming in my eyes and I can't fight them. No matter how hard I try I can't hold them back. And that treacherous voice in the back of my head keeps whispering, keeps reminding me, why we're here, why the tears refuse to stay in my eyes.
She's gone. She's gone for forever and she's never coming back. She left me.

Why did you leave me? Why didn't you say anything? Why did you have to take all those pills?

And the tears are streaming down my cheeks. Sobs wrench their way from my chest and my nose runs and makes me sniff loudly.

At the front of the church people rise from their seats and walk up to the coffin. They walk around it, around her, and they leave flowers and they cry. They cry and they cry and it's not real. It's not real because this is not happening. She's not dead and this is not happening.

People on our bench are standing up now, but something very cold is rooting me to the spot and stopping me from moving even a centimeter. Dad slips his hand into mine, gently but firmly, and that cold thing melts away a little, just enough to let me stand. Dad pulls me along, up the aisle, to the coffin. He puts the rose we brought on the lid, next to the picture of her.

The gentle stream of tears turns into a flood again, something aches in my chest when I breathe. Dad puts a protective arm around me and walks me back to our seats.He doesn't let go when we sit down. He just holds me tight as my tears stain his shirt while I sob into his chest.

Trigger warnings: funeral, implied suicide

A/N
I didn't know if I wanted to publish this. I'm not very happy with how it turned out and I'm sure it lacks the emotions I wanted to embed in it. But maybe this will make it easier to look back one day and see the progress I have made by then.