𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌; 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧

➝ ᵗʰⁱʳᵗʸ⁻ᵗʷᵒ

⊰ 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚎'𝚜 𝙿𝙾𝚅 ⊱

that same day, i met noen in chemistry at our normal seat.
i'm gonna do it.
i'm gonna ask him to be my boyfriend.
he won't reject me, he told me he loved me.
and i love him.
:)
i silently sat as class started before turning to noen and speaking.
"did you mean that? what you said earlier?" i asked.
"what?"
"that you love me. do you mean that?" 
"of course." he said.
a huge smile came across my face.
"your an amazing friend, i have no reason to not love you."
my heart dropped.
friends?
oh.
he loves me like his friend.
"yeah." i said, my smile shrinking a bit. "i love you too." i said.
i quickly raised my hand.
"can i use the bathroom?" i asked.
the teacher gave a nod.
i got up and grabbed my things, running off to the bathoom.
the tears started to flood my face as i dropped to the floor under the sink.
i sat there, silently crying with my hand over my mouth crying to keep it down in case there was someone else there.
i can't believe it.
i really don't understand why i'd get so vulnerable.
vulnerable enough to believe he meant that.
he doesn't love me.
nobody does.
i'm not worth anyone's love.
i'm not worth loving.
i'm not worth anything.
nobody could ever love me.
i sat there with my entire body shaking as the tears flood my face.
the embarrassment and despair built up inside of me as i cried like a helpless baby. 
i just want to be held right about now.
i wanna go home.
i wanna go home with my mom, and my sister, and marc and my dog..
 i miss my dog :(((
i wish i never met noen, none of this would've been happening if noen didn't come along.
i wouldn't feel like this.
anthony wouldn't have cheated or gotten cheated on.
i wouldn't have caught feelings.
i wouldn't have beaten the shit out of blake.
or got used.
or lost the trust of my only friends.
i wish he didn't save me that day.
i wish i would've bled out until i stopped breathing.
i wish i would've fucking ended that night.

⊰ 𝙽𝚘𝚎𝚗'𝚜 𝙿𝙾𝚅 ⊱

:/
i lied to him.
of course i love him!
you have no clue how hurt i was that night when he said we weren't anything that night we got caught by anthony!
i'm-
ugh. im scared.
i don't wanna fall for another player.
i don't wanna get my heart smashed again. 
over the course of 4-5 months a lot has happened.
and school i halfway over.
but, then again we are stuck here for the next two years.
and the summers between.
yep, we're not leaving for the summers.
was that mentioned? i don't know, oh well.
but during the summer be have a 11:00 pm curfew, so we can leave the school anytime after 8:00 am and come for the curfew.
but we can't leave the city, drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex of anything in between.
we'll get tested every week when we come back at curfew on friday.
i mean, at least we'll have some freedom.
we all know we're gonna have sex anyway but drug testing? yeah, i think i'll stay sober 😳
but back to what i was saying!
i hope chase wasn't asking because he feels the same.
oh my god.
maybe he feels the same!
there's no way.
chase doesn't even believe in love. 
all he wants is sex.
and you know what?
i can live with that.
as long as i can have his touch, i think i'll be okay.
its no big deal!
he and i will always have our little along time.
even if we aren't in a real relationship, he's still mine.
nobody else can have him.
if anybody tries to touch my chasey i'll eat their knees caps >:(
and their mommy's knee caps >:(
and their daddy's knee caps >:(
and their grandma's knee caps >:(
and chase's dick >:(
WAIT NEVER MIND THAT LAST ONE-