𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌; 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧

➝ ᶠᵒʳᵗʸ⁻ᵗʰʳᵉᵉ

⊰ 𝙽𝚘𝚎𝚗'𝚜 𝙿𝙾𝚅 ⊱

the rest of that day was hard.
every time i saw blake in the hallway i pretended i didn't and walked the opposite way.
i didn't want to be touched by anyone.
i didn't want to be spoken to.
i didn't even want to be in school.
i wanted to be back in the room with my baby.
it was a time like this where i was in need of some puppy time, but because of classes i had not luck.
every time someone tried to speak to me i jumped and winced in fear, but played it off.
when someone touch me i swatted them away and took two steps back
whenever someone tried to ask me if i was okay, i freaked out and babbled on and on about how i was okay.
i could've sworn every time i said something i would get starred at like i was insane.
it was horrible.
when i got back to the room i immediately changed into some comfy pajamas and hid under my covers with lefty in my arms.
i felt so dirty.
like a slut.
did he really think slut shaming and raping me was going to get him somewhere?
my body is in so much pain.
i could barely walk today, i had to be slowly and i couldn't move so much.
my back is killing me and my entire private area is burning in pain.
i hugged lefty in my arms as the tears flooded my face.
he licked my nose and cheeks, happily barking.
well, at least he's happy.
:)
"awh, your such a good boy. i love you." i said, petting his head.
i got up and gave him some treats before turning on my laptop and putting on disney plus.
and if you think i would be telling anyone, anything about this you'd be wrong. 
the next day, the same thing happened.
and the next day.
and the next day.
and the next day.
and for two entire weeks after that.
and i wasn't even wearing my skirts.
he didn't stop.
he went from beating the shit out of me to fucking me even though it's unwanted.
it's disgusting and scary.
i hate it, i hate all of it.
i feel like i'm cheating on chase and were not even together.
i just wish blake would listen to me when i told him to stop.
stop means no.
and no means i don't want to.
but he just insists on it.
he thinks i should enjoy is because i like fucking the homies.
i dont!! fuck!! the homies!!
i'm not a slut and he's making me feel like one..
everyday i head back to the room in fear and pain because blake can't keep his hands to himself!
i'm so disgusted.
not only with blake but with myself.
if only i wasn't so sensitive and soft, i would've fucked this guy up months ago.
and to think i have an entire year to go with him on my ass.
not even, IN my ass.
he doesn't understand that revenge isn't getting him anywhere, and all rape is doing is making me loose trust in men.
i haven't had sex with chase in months because its just so scary to even think about it.
i don't want to cuddle, or fuck, or be touched at all.
i just want this to be over.

⊰ 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚎'𝚜 𝙿𝙾𝚅 ⊱

noen had been acting really weird over the course of the past two months.
he's coming to the room with bruises and he's always so tensed up.
he hates being touched, he hates when i bring up sex, he's awfully quiet and i want to know why.
if something's wrong, i have to help him.
but i can't help him if he doesn't tell me whats up.
and i won't force him to tell me anything.
we have about 5 months left of school and if stuff doesn't seem to be getting better i'm going to have to say something.
but if he seems okay.. i guess i'll let it go. 
i just want him to be safe and happy.
its like he doesn't want me anymore.
it's like he doesn't want anyone anymore.
maybe jaden's passing is finally hitting him and this is his way of mourning? just pushing everyone away?
i'm not allowed to complain about pushing people away, i used to do it all the time.
speaking of stuff i used to do, i think i'm getting out of my bad habits.
my temper is taking a step back and i'm not lashing out at everyone as much like i used to.
i really proud of myself for actually allowing myself to grow and get better.
and i do have to thank noen for getting me through this journey.
2 years with him and i can say i feel like i'm thriving.
he's a great boy, and whatever's happening to him that's making him like this is coming to an end.