SECRETLY IN LOVE | SPENCER REID X READER

Chapter 11 💙

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!
This chapter is solely about Y/N's mental health struggles. There's a lot of mention of suicide/drug abuse. DO NOT read this chapter if you are easily triggered by these things! Skip to the next chapter!! You're not missing anything other than her telling her story to Spencer.

Again, just like the last warning, if you are dealing with mental health struggles please know you're not alone! You are LOVED! If you're struggling and feel as if no one is listening or cares MESSAGE ME! We will talk! You are strong and you can get through this!!!!

                                    ••••••••••

The next few days were hard on you. Your mental health took a deep dive and you were slipping. Bringing up that story of your attempt to take your life years ago always struck a nerve. Any time it was brought up you struggled. You didn't struggle because of the boy who got you to that point, you struggled because it was traumatic in every way. For starters your mom found you passed out on the bathroom floor with an empty pill bottle. Then you were rushed to the hospital half conscious literally staring death in the face. Reaching the hospital you had your stomach pumped and it was the most painful experience. You watched your family struggle for months following your attempt and it broke your heart even more. When you returned to school you were labeled a drug addict and you lost all of your friends. No one, not even the teachers, treated you the same. The remainder of your senior year you felt like a ghost. You developed unhealthy habits like not eating, self harm, getting involved in drugs and drinking, and planning another attempt. Through years of therapy and lots of mental blocking you did eventually recover...sort of. You were okay as long as you didn't have to think about, you didn't have to face it. But when you did think about it, it was dark. Your mood flipped and you went into a self destructive state this time was no different.

It has been 2 days since returning from that case and within the first 24 hours you noticed the self destructive behavior creeping in. You began not eating, sleeping all day, telling yourself you weren't good enough and this time you got to add another factor...Spencer. You felt unworthy of his love. You were certain he wasn't actually in love with you and he just used you for sex. The thoughts consumed your brain and taunted you day in and day out. You initially thought you'd be able to do better this time and you'd have people to talk to but unfortunately your brain didn't want that and didn't allow that. You were alone. These thoughts brought you back to that night and you began telling yourself how weak you were. You were a bitch for not getting double the pills to seal the deal. You shouldn't be here. You don't deserve it. The thoughts continuously taunted you. Your mood and mental health quickly deteriorated. It became obvious to everyone around you. Especially Spencer.

You slept most of the day waking up at 4pm after going to be at 8pm the night before. When your eyes opened you immediately couldn't wait for them to close again. You checked your phone and had multiple calls from Spencer which you ignored. You forced yourself out of bed and walked to your living room where you sank into the couch. You stared at the TV that remained off. You heard knocking at your door but you sat in silence.

"Y/N, I know you're in there. Open this door right now or I'm breaking it in" Spencer called.

You stayed silent.

"Y/N please" he cried.

You got up and unlocked the door. When he heard the door unlock he came rushing through. You didn't even greet him you just walked back to the couch and sank back into it. He stood in disbelief at the way you looked, at your attitude. Today was the worst day. The days before you were able to at least form a few sentences and fake a smile, it was still obvious you were hurting but it seemed as if you were just remembering a bad memory and it would pass. Today, was completely different. Spencer walked over and sat on the couch next to you.