Somewhere Inbetween

Yue POV

I don't know what everyone was expecting.... we were never dating and it seemed like the end of the world once everyone found out he could be with someone else.

I will be the first to admit that, yes there was some kind of bond between us but there had to be. We both gave life to two very famous characters that were undeniable meant for one another.

We both had to portray these characters to the best of our abilities as actors. I'm glad that so many people received our portrayal well but once the drama was over we had to shed those characters, so that we could both move on to portray others.

That is the life of an actor to give these characters a soul with feelings and a history, so they seem believable. It takes time to shed a character and those feelings... especially for the first time... I should know... so I can see why Dylan remained so comfortable with me after we finished filming MG, especially since it was his first drama.

Every actor has a different way to deal with their craft. Some require to stay in character while others can turn it off and on easily. I'm sort of in the middle and sometimes get myself too immersed in the character. Those feelings sometimes linger and really affect me.

I tried to keep those emotions in-check as it can get confusing with my own emotions, so I always kept him at arms length. I had to. I really did not want another misunderstanding. My heart couldn't take it again. I knew that once we finished filming we would all go our separate ways and occasionally see each other in different events and if lucky we would get to work with each other again on another production. Which I already did with Dylan on the The Inn season 2 and I was only suppose to be there for a couple of episodes but was lucky enough to have been able to stay till the end of production.

If we worked together again in another drama, it would be a miracle. I have only been so lucky to work with Connor, now three times but that's only because he has been a supporting role in the dramas we have been in together. Also Connor and I really do not have any negative comments said when we are seen together unlike Dylan and I. Our management teams try minimizing our social interactions, which basically means that any public interactions whether in person or virtual are minimized to limit netizens negative comments. It has worked a bit but there is always negative comments about me. I have learned that I will not be able to please everyone and that I have to focus on what I love and the people that love and support me.

So when those pictures and videos came out of Dylan and his rumored girlfriend, I knew that he would be getting negative comments and his management team would have to do damage control but my team and myself were not expecting that I would once again start receiving negative comments from his fans. It made me sad all over again because it makes it difficult for us to interact... let alone just be friends.

I will admit that when I saw the video of them together, it did sting. He looked so at ease and comfortable with her that I started to wonder maybe there really was never a special bond between us... maybe I made it up in my mind and he was just always that nice to everyone. This is the trouble with acting, you start to over analyze every emotion and action and try to give it some meaning.

Many people around me all agreed that we somehow really complimented each other... even though all we did was bicker. He liked to tease me and I would get mad... not really mad maybe just a tad annoyed... and we would just go back and forth. Everyone around us would tease us about it but we just would laugh it off because it was obvious we had to be somewhat comfortable with one another as at the time we were playing a couple. But as time passed and we interacted outside the drama my perception of him changed.

I do not regret my decision of keeping him at a distance. He confuses me and my emotions as well. I really can't afford the time to give this too much thought, It's a good thing I'm so busy that it's keeping me from further analyzing this whole situation because every time I look at the video and their now leaked pictures... it stings. I really have no right to be upset or jealous about this whole situation but somehow I am and I don't know what to do with those emotions. I've already cried my eyes out and have busied my mind and body with work but my heart remains uneasy and with so many unspoken questions.

You would think that after working a 10 hour shoot and getting back to my hotel room at 3am, I would fall right asleep on the spot but behind the closed door of my quiet hotel room it is when my heart chooses to shout and my mind begins to wander and keeps me in a cycle of tears, what if's and heartache. I really don't want to feel like this... I have no right to but I can't seem to tell my heart this and my mind starts to wonder... Did I do the right thing by keeping him away?

Ughhhh!!! I really don't need this right now. I have too much already on my mind to add onto it. But after seeing the video and pictures it was like I lost all the air from my lungs. I'm frustrated, confused, angry and sad. I don't know what to do... It really doesn't concern me but somehow I'm still in the middle of it. This is all too frustrating.

I know my management team will say that they will handle the negative comments I'm receiving and not to worry about it, that it will die down with time.

Time... time... give it time. Does that really solve everything?