Just Hold Me [ merlin x arthur ]

8 - clean sweep

" doesn't change how sorry i am . "

it was muttered not really meant for him to hear seeing as he truly wasn't sure with merlins words were going as they stopped .

he was patient ? waiting to finally hear what he had to say though nothing could have prepared him for what was to be said . blue eyes widened as they looked upon his friend upon the person who's been by his side through it all .

he had to pick his next words carefully but so many things were going through his head at wants all that came out was a pathetic .

" you lost someone you were in love with . . - does that mean , well you know - are you saying you're in love with . . . . "

he couldn't even say me , all that came was a poor excuse for a hand waving as he tried to implicate me without saying it —

his bottom lip jutting out . " dont be stupid merlin ,  i don't want you to leave the grounds . ever . "

merlin watches him with a tint of worry his eyes dart , shutting his eyes for a moment with a small laugh ,

" yes . . you prat - i - love you . . "

sure for one , it felt good to let it out , he didn't have to hide it anymore ; as he was one to keep things to himself way too often . . yet was afraid as to how the other would even look at him differently , as to what would happen - perhaps nothing ,, but he felt better in not keeping it from him and the fact that he said he didn't want him to leave - perhaps he was blocked by his own thoughts , he seemed to forget how good of a man the other really was —

" . . i - know nothing will probably never happen between us - and i hope . . i didn't make - things awkward i just — i wanted you to know - "

the blonde stood there with a stupid look on his face , eyebrow raised slightly

" you . . "  arthur wanted to smack himself , the words having all but disappeared from his mouth all —

" merlin . . you stupid idiot ! "

not the exact terms he was going for , but it worked to gather attention right ?

having out a frustrated sigh arthur grabbed merlins arm and pulled him to the side . " You didn't make things awkward . . in fact you made this a lot easier on me . . "

he simply fell quiet as he watched the other , hint of worry in his gaze as he fiddled with his hands , smile - or at least what sat at his face disappeared , now if anything confused or even hurt as the other spoke a familiar nickname , perhaps in a way wanting to know what was going through his head , almost jumping by his actions but followed his lead with a frown , brows stitched together as he bit the inside of his cheek

" i - . . what do you mean i didnt ? "

" i mean . . "

he let his tongue swipe over his lips for a moment, glancing around the empty hall .

" as i was dying . . . i was coming to terms with a lot of things . . "

he let go of merlins arm finally , his hand busying itself with fixing his tunic mainly as a distraction .

" coming to terms with dying . . . with accepting where i was to go , what i was leaving behind . . and what i felt for those who i was saying goodbye to . "

arthur took a deep breath drawing his gaze down to the ground for a moment.

" i realised a lot of things as i took my last breath . . .  in your arms . i realised feelings that had been there for a long time , that I had always ignored . . . "