Camp Little Willow

Chapter 21

It's been six days since Crash found out about Ryan and me. Six days I've been waiting for the fallout and it's yet to happen. I feel sick constantly just thinking about whether or not they know and what's going to happen when they find out.

We haven't really seen the guys this past week, bar the quick smiles across little's heads as our groups pass around camp. It's helped that Robbie and the guys have been at his house most nights.

But tonight we're having a bonfire on the beach. Robbie's parents are home and none of us are on duty tonight. Yay.

"He hasn't told them. He promised me he wouldn't." Zoe tries to reassure me as she pulls a hoody over her short dungarees and camp top.

She hasn't told me what she or Crash said the other night outside Old Jack's, and to be honest, I don't know if I want to know.

I know Ryan's family own the Retreat, but at the end of the day, that's not a reason to dislike someone. If they actually got to know him, they might realise that he's more like us than his dad. I mean, what do they do at school all year? Walk in the other direction? Glare across the classroom? I get that they want to defend the camp, but there are less childish ways to go about it.

"Do you want me to tell them you're not feeling well?" Zoe's question brings me back to our cabin where I'm sitting on my bed, legs pulled up to my chest, trying, unsuccessfully, to think about anything else.

"No, it's OK." I say it to convince myself, rather than it actually being how I feel. I can't blow them off tonight of Crash will think I'm with Ryan and choosing him over them. I don't have a choice, I have to face them tonight.

The way I see it, tonight can go one of two ways: One, Crash hasn't told anyone else and we can go about having a regular evening, maybe with some slight awkwardness between Crash and me. Or two, he's told them and everyone (apart from Zoe) blows up about it and they don't want to be friends anymore.

This has basically been my thought process for the last six days. I don't really remember anything we've done with the littles this week, I've been on auto pilot while my mind has been running wild.

     "Ready?" Zoe asks and then grimaces when she realises that of course I'm not ready. I offer her a small smile and join her at the door, taking a deep breath, willing my nerves to calm.

Zoe links her arm with mine as we make our way to the beach, my stomach twisting so much that I don't think it'll ever untwist. The boys and Alex are already settled around a small fire, cans of drink in their hands and snacks spread across the sand. They're laughing about something and it makes my stomach knot even further. Zoe squeezes my arm supportively as we step onto the sand and towards my impending doom.

"Finally. What took you guys so long?" Robbie asks, tossing us each a can of Pepsi Max. I catch mine, just, hands trembling as I sit down between Zoe and Alex.

"Had to look good for my favourite guys." Zoe flips her fringe from her face and gives them all a dazzling smile.

"You OK?" Alex whispers to me, looking down at the quivering hands I'm trying to hide in my lap.

"Oh. Yeah. Just, uh, cold." I give him probably the weariest smile ever and then shove my hands into the pocket of my hoody. I'm actually very hot, nervous sweats. Alex pulls off his hoody and plants it on my shoulders so now I'm going to boil to death, but I give him another smile anyway. I can already feel my cheeks turning red and the fire feels scolding tonight.

Crash catches my eye a few times over the evening and each time I feel like I'm going to throw up. But his face is so normal and unreadable that I have no idea what's going to happen each time he opens his mouth.

"OK. Best bits from this week, Josh, go." Robbie nods his head towards Josh as the sun starts to set on the horizon, the last few bits of golden rays slowly making their way across the beach, towards Jefferson Lakes.

"I got one of the kids to swim without support for the first time today. He's had this fear of water for ages, something about his fish drowning, I dunno. So it was a big step for us." Josh beams with pride, and nobody mentions the fact that fish don't tend to drown.

Crash speaks next, "My best part of this week was being entrusted with a secret." And I swear to God he looks right at me, green eyes full of determination. I feel my cheeks physically catch fire and I'm pretty sure I sweat through both hoodies. I might pass out.

"Well, this week I managed to perfect a recipe I've been attempting for ages, so you guys are in for a treat tomorrow," Alex tells us, and then it's my turn but I've forgotten how to speak. Petrified after looking into the eyes of a basilisk.

I don't know how long passes, five sets of eyes on me, before Zoe comes to my rescue. "Cass isn't feeling so great tonight. One of the girls was sick today and she drew the short straw to cleaning up, not her best part of this week," Zoe laughs nervously. "Anyway, my best part was having one of the littles write a poem for me out of the blue. It even rhymed, it was really sweet."

"Sorry about the sick, Cass, that's rough," Robbie consoles but I barely hear him over the intensity of blood rushing through my veins.

I zone out for a while, the others talking about who knows what, as I stare into the flickering red and gold flames of the bonfire. Not even the usually calming fire can help me to relax tonight.

My ears perk up at the sound of someone mentioning Jefferson Lakes and my attention snaps back to the conversation around the fire.

"We were getting food at Old Jack's the other night and they were there, laughing about our 'school sports day' style competitions on Sunday. They must've taken some boats out on the lake and seen us all on the beach," Josh tells the circle, a frown on his face.

"Who?" Zoe asks, sensing my interest.

"Some teenagers from across the lake. They were calling us boring and a waste of money," Crash replies, his hand tightening around his can.

"Yeah, but we can't just do that again. We can't just keep 'getting revenge', they'll start to suspect something," Robbie tells Crash. I may have missed a chunk of conversation, but I can imagine what was said.

I feel the urge to defend, not Jefferson Lakes necessarily, but Ryan. Robbie's right, we can't just keep going over there and causing mayhem without it backfiring on us.

"Just something small, like putting holes in all their boats." Crash smirks, eyes on me, willing me to challenge him.

"Am I missing something here?" Alex questions at the same time as I scold mindlessly, "Crash, that's too far!"

"Well at least I'm not dating the enemy."

"Ryan's not the enemy," I defend before realising what I've said. "Crash!" Zoe snaps at the same time, the same anger in her voice as the other night at Old Jack's when she told him to leave. But it's too late, everyone heard me.

The circle grows quiet, five sets of eyes on me again, nobody knowing quite what to say. Robbie looks confused, Josh seems startled and Alex looks like he doesn't quite believe it. Crash has a look on his face like this was his plan all along; goad me into telling everyone because he promised he wouldn't tell them himself. I look at Zoe last and she looks absolutely gutted for me. I stand before anyone, even Zoe, can say anything else and rush from the beach, a cold shiver spreading across me.

The tears start when I reach Jen's porch, I pull both hoodies around me tighter and push the door open.