egodeath

11

3rd person
Darryl discreetly watched his friend nervously eat his food. He wanted to be there for him but this was new to him. Sure he'd heard about depression and anxiety, them having become a topic of open conversation in society recently. But eating disorders, he felt confused of. Zak never seemed to be self conscious much, he was always the most outgoing and most willing to do face cam streams and take photo shoots. The psychiatrist had told him over the phone, when talking before checking Zak out of the hospital, that a lot of eating disorders centered around control and perfectionism. Which, now that he thought about it, kinda made sense for Zak.

Zak was still working on the spaghetti, his hand slightly shaking. Darryl was just glad that he was at least trying his best to eat. He couldn't imagine how shitty all this must feel. At some point Zak just set the fork down and dropped his head in his hands just trying to concentrate on breathing. It wasn't going to well though. It felt like his throat was closing up. He was so focused on every overwhelming thought and feeling right now that he didn't even notice Darryl calling out to him.

     It was like suddenly, everything around him was loud, fast and maybe even spinning slightly. But in contrast he felt like he was swimming through thick mud, slowly suffocating.

     "Zak!" He heard Darryl call to him. It sounded desperate and kind of far away. He winced at it darting his eyes around but his vision was blurry and slowly darkening at the lack of air he was getting.

     His head was still in his hands, fingers pulling at his hair feeling desperate to get over whatever the fuck was happening right now. He could practically hear his heart and felt it bounding everywhere. Hot salty tears made their way out of his eyes as he broke. He'd been trying to keep himself together this whole time but this was too much. Everything was too much.

     Darryl watched his friend not completely sure of what to do. He tried to not make any sudden movements, not wanting to make his anxiety worse, as he grabbed Zaks wrists, pulling his hands away from his face.

     "Oh skep." He said gently, looking at his friends tear streaked face. Zak looked up but it didn't seem like he could see or focus on anything, not really paying notice to his worried friend in front of him.

      "Zak?" He repeated, still nothing. His breathing had just become more erratic kind of like gasps every now and then. Darryl stood up and squatted next to where the other was sitting. He put his hand on Zaks back and sat him up more, hoping it'd help him breathe easier.

     "Breathe with me alright, this will pass, just try to mimic how I breathe alright?" Darryl urged. Zak just nodded but even after trying to follow after his friend he couldn't stop panicking, he just kept losing control.

     Darryl watched Zaks eyes flutter as he went limp in his arms. He sighed and scooped Zak up, walking both of them to the couch. He laid his friend down and covered him with a throw blanket he had nearby. Darryl sat down on the floor near his friends face as the other began to stir back into consciousness.

     Zak jolted upwards suddenly, his eyes darting around. Darryl pushed his chest, making him lay back down.

     "Relax Zak, you're okay. You blacked out when you were panicking and I brought you here. Deep breaths man, alright?" Darryl said, brushing the hair out of Zaks face, who was nodding slightly in response. They sat there in mostly silence for a bit while Zak got his breathing back under control.

     "You're doing great Zak." Darryl said, reaching over to grab one of his Zaks cold hands and giving it a supportive squeeze.

"Thanks Bad." He mumbled back.

"I'll make us something warm to drink and then we can talk a little more." Darryl suggested. Zak nodded, letting the couch swallow him as he curled up under the soft blanket that was draped over him.

     Back in the kitchen Darryl was deciding between tea or hot chocolate. He decided on a nice fir tree needle tea. It has a really calming scent, hopefully Zak will think so to. He brought the two steaming mugs back to the living room and set them down on the coffee table.

     Zak pushed himself up and brought his knees up to his chest, comfortably grabbing the corners of the blanket and wrapping it around himself. Darryl sat next to him and handed him one of the mugs.

Darryl let him chill for a moment, but just enjoying the company and the nice tea.

"Alright, I just wanna talk a bit. I know that probably makes you stressed but that's why I wanted us to just be here nice and calm while we talk alright?" Darryl said before taking a sip from his steaming cup. Zak didn't say anything back, but he leaned his cheek onto his taller friends shoulder and nodded, acknowledging his words.

"I love having you here and hanging out, but we need to focus on getting you to a good place. You have IOP 3 times a week a couple hours each time. You have your own room but please keep the door open or unlocked for now at least okay?"

     "I'm not a baby." Zak said slightly annoyed.

     "I never said you were, but just for now while everything levels out." Darryl reasoned, trying to keep his friend calm, understanding that it probably doesn't feel great to feel babied in any way. "Also, your new prescription is here, same meds but lower dosage. We need to be consistent with that alright?"

     Zak just hummed, taking a sip of his own drink before responding.

     "I haven't streamed or uploaded in 3 weeks. I cant pay for IOP or meds much less rent right now."

     Darryl shook his head brushing through his friends soft hair. "Focus on getting better, I don't want you worrying about anything else right now okay?"

     "Thank you Darryl. Seriously man I love you, I don't think I'd be here without you." Zak said quietly almost hoping the other wouldn't hear the last but but he did.

     As much as Darryl hated hearing that, hating the idea of Zak possibly not being here, he was glad that things worked out the way they did.

     "I love you too Zak." Darryl said through a smile as he gently wrapped his arms around his smaller friend and gave him a tight hug. Sure Zak was in a rough place right now and needed someone. But Darryl needed him just as much. They were amazing friends and they would've met either way, but he was thankful for the timing that they found themselves in. Two best friends supporting each other.