When we were wintergirls

The guest of honour at my own funeral

She never tired of people telling her how perfect she was. She denied it all but begged for more. She rarely smiled but when she did it was more hollow than her eyes. I don't know what I saw in her. I was attracted to the pain. I wanted to hold her and kiss her hair and every single cut. I thought that I could fix her and make her love me back.
I was such an idiot.
It's not that I didn't love her for who she was, I did. I loved her brutally cold emotionless persona. I was her wing-girl and her rent-a-friend. She dragged me through hell and rarely turned around to make sure that I was okay.
I remember, there was this boy she liked. He was the biggest dickhead in the school. For the purpose of this story we'll call him Kalvin. He flirted with her endlessly, she practically threw herself at him. God, I remember the day I spent hours comforting the love of my life because Kalvin called her "emo" as a joke. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger and she used it. She got me to take part in the most horribly offensive jokes about everything from obesity to school shootings and more just to get attention from her asshat little boy-toy.
They never got any father than flirting.
She had him head over heels but she'd never admit it. She preferred watching him squirm while I desperately tried to tell her how beautiful and amazing she was to prove that he really did in fact like her.
All to save her life.
And I fucking failed anyways.
I should have just kissed her while we were lying in the snow.