𝐀𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 ✔

Reports..

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I joined my palms, praying to God to take care of her and make her get well soon. Then we returned to the ICU attendant-hall, back on the same chairs, amid the same crowd, hearing similar announcements. A little later, ritik left for home after Dad insisted that he go and take some rest. Dad and I spent the rest of the time in the hospital sitting on our chair, confined to the attendant-hall.

  Whatever I had seen in the past few hours was flashing through my brain. Her face, her hands and my one-sided conversation with her.

  ‘Did she recognize my voice? Did she hear me talking to her? Did she want to say something to me?’ These were the questions I was asking myself again and again. For hours, I struggled with these questions and bad thoughts at one end, and prayers and hopes at the other.
It was 3 p.m. when nitin arrived at the hospital with a lunch-box. I met him while I was coming out of the restroom and updated him about today’s CT scan.

  ‘So did the doctors talk about the reports too?’ he asked.

  ‘Not yet. They might, during the evening counseling hours,’ I said.

  ‘Hmm … I thought so. By the way, I have got lunch for you and Dad and me,’ he said.

  ‘I think it would be better to send Dad back home, so that he can have his lunch comfortably there and rest a little. He seems to be tired.’
That’s fine. I’ll be here with you.’

  We then moved towards the attendant-hall.

  Despite Dad’s reluctance, we succeeded in sending him back home.

  I had my lunch after that. For the next few hours, nitin and I were talking to each other, about our office, family and friends. And our avni.

  It was 5.30 in the evening when we saw aman coming out of the elevator. The visiting hours had started and I knew he was here to see his sister. He sat beside us, talking about the little problem with his car and that it needed servicing. Dad had already told him about the morning’s CT scan.

When our turn was announced, we asked him to go ahead to the ICU. Back in the hall, nitin and I were worried about the CT-scan report. Our eyes were glued to the ICU door, waiting for aman to come out with some update from the doctors. And nearly fifteen minutes later, we saw him coming out. We got up from our seats and went to him.

  ‘The doctors say that the blood clots are still persisting in didi’s brain. But the good thing is that they have not worsened,’  he said before we could ask him.

  ‘Anything else?’ I wanted to know.

  ‘Nothing as such. She is in a subconscious state and moving her hands and legs.
We stood near that ICU door for a while before we walked back to our seats, where we sat for another hour or so. Meanwhile, Dad called up aman on his cell. He wanted me to come back home. Though I was not willing to leave the hospital, the frequent announcements finally made me leave. According to the announcements, only the attendants having ICU passes were allowed to stay back on this floor and the checking was about to begin. We just had two passes with us and one of us had to leave. I did not feel like asking either nitin or aman to do so and so I agreed to go.

  ‘I’ll drop you home,’ aman said.

  ‘OK,’ I said looking at him and nitin.

  ‘Have some tea at home and relax a bit. You’ve been here since morning,’ nitin said, patting my shoulder.

  ‘I will. See you later.’
See you.’

  While going down in the elevator, I was asking myself—and God, if He could answer me—when she was going to open her eyes and talk to me. When would I hear the doctors say that she is out of danger? When will things be all right for all of us again? I begged God to talk to me and answer my questions.

Once at the ground floor, we came out of the hospital. It was cold outside. Aman was saying something to me which I ignored, stuck in my one-sided conversation with God. Looking down at the road, lost in my thoughts, I walked out of the hospital exit following aman’s footsteps.
That’s our car, over there,’ aman pointed.

  Without responding, I followed him and got in the car. My silence was obtrusive. But then something happened in that car which made me feel good and broke my silence. The moment he started the engine, the music system turned on and the paused song continued:

  ‘I am gonna wake up … It’s not my time to go … I guess I will die another day …’
I heard the words very clearly, coming out of the music system in his
car that night. Making myself comfortable on the seat now, I was wondering if this was just another song or if it was God himself trying to make my conversation two-sided, or if this was avni somehow conveying what she wanted to tell me when I was holding her hands in mine. I don’t know what it was but, those lyrics were more than just words. Or maybe it is human tendency to choose something which gives the maximum comfort.

  ‘Amen,’ I wished in my heart and, feeling a little better, started talking to aman.
We reached home and after a while aman was about to leave when Dad asked him to have dinner first, so that he didn’t have to come back again. In the living room I saw ritik and mike playing with each other. Seeing me, riya prepared some tea for both ritik and me. For the next half an hour, the entire family was in the living-room. That night, we had our dinner at around nine, after which aman left for the hospital. I wanted to go back to the hospital with him, but I knew Susant was going to accompany him there for the night. Moreover, someone at home mentioned that Susant would be traveling to Mysore tomorrow and would return after two or three days. I thought I’d replace him on those successive nights. Nitin was supposed to leave for his office that night for some important calls.

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