Hardened (A Yogscast Fanfiction)

11

        I took a deep breath.

        And then another.

        I told myself that everything was okay. I had an entire world out there for me to explore. I could walk for days, weeks, or even months until I found a nice secluded spot where I can restart my farm, collect more animals, and go back to my life before I had met all this people. Maybe I could start my own mining base like Hole Diggers; I could learn how to make all the complicated machines that littered around their compounds. I could even find someone else I could apprentice with, someone who wasn't hard and cruel, if I found that isolation was too lonely.

        The world was in my hands; I could do anything I ever wanted.

        I felt more tears slide down my cheeks as I doubled over, hugging myself as I silently sobbed into the wind. I could keep telling myself that none of this mattered, but deep down I knew what I truly wanted. It was the one thing that could make me feel whole again, yet it was what had broken me.

        I wanted Sjin. I wanted for him to comfort me, to hold me like he did last night. I wanted to go back to the first few days I spent on the farm, I longed for his caring touch after he saved me a nurtured me back to health. Maybe I had hated him then, but I only wished I could go back and cherish those feelings before the love had settled in made me so vulnerable. There was no way to deny it anymore; judging by my reaction alone I knew I was completely and irrevocably in love with Sjin.

        I sniffled and ran my fingers under my eyes, wiping away my tears before they had a chance to fall again. The stabbing pain in my chest continued into a dull throb, making me hunch over and hug myself as more and more thoughts of the farmer invaded my mind. I wondered absently if this was what heart break felt like.

        I kept my head down as the sun made it's way lazily towards the horizon and colored everything around me a deep, golden yellow. I had spent most of the afternoon up here at the peak of the mountain, dangling my feet over the sheer drop as I worked through my thoughts and emotions. The rocky formation rose up and then curved out over the water to form a natural crescent, giving me the perfect perch to look out into the ocean and blocked my view of the compound. The wind blew my hair back and smelled heavily of salt, being the constant compliment to the tears that clouded my vision every time I thought about Sjin.

        I let my feet swing back and forth, the fear of falling or the earth under me giving way rarely crossing my mind. I was so lost in thought that I barely noticed the encroaching sound of footsteps as someone got closer, though I wasn't distracted enough to completely ignore them.

        "There you are," the voice breathed, finally reaching flat ground as he crested the hill, "I've been looking everywhere for you." Sjin sounded worried and out of breath, as if he had run all the way up here.

        He was only met with silence as I lifted my head and looked out towards the setting sun, trying not to look so weak and pathetic and regain some composure.

        I heard Sjin take a step closer to me, and I could almost imagine him lifting his arms and turning his head towards me as he said, "Kirby, it's going to get dark soon. It's not safe..." He seemed to choke on the word, and a welcomed wave of anger washed over me to replace the sadness I had previously felt.

        "Don't talk to me about safety," I spat, whirling around and glaring at him with more rage than I knew I possessed.

        He actually seemed to flinch, and I was getting a better gauge of his real character now that his demeanor had momentarily softened. "Kir..." he started, and then sighed, running a hand down the side of his face before continued. "You wern't supposed to hear that," he said, taking another step closer to me as I turned back around, feeling angry, bitter tears welling up in my eyes.