Hurt

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Mikan

I was asleep once again. I didn't feel like I was dreaming. I felt like I was awake. Awake and reliving all my nightmares.

All the panic attacks. All the nervous breakdowns. All the nights crying alone. I was reliving all of them.

Everything was going black. My heart has pounding and I could feel it aching throughout my entire body. It was pulsing quickly and it seemed everything around me was sucking up the oxygen.

Not being able to breath is scary. You take big gulps of air but it never goes down. Having an attack makes you feel hopeless.

I could go a few months without having one and then it hits me like a tidal wave, robbing me of whatever hopes I had.

While I was reliving these moments all I could hear was me crying. Me screaming in pain. Me wishing someone would save me. And then silence.

A few years ago I stopped screaming when they beat me. I would cry alone. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of hearing me moan from their cruel slaps.

The silence terrifies me. This silence as I watched myself get beaten over and over was making me wish I was never born. Because I can't stop it.

I have the power to make it stop. I could go to the police. I could tell the nurse. Hell I could scream it but maybe the reason I don't try is because I'm scared that if I try to get help.... No one will help me.

No one wants to be around a girl with abusive parents, a bully following her, random attacks, and no will to make it stop. No one wants me. All I ever wanted was for someone to come save me. That won't happen for me! I don't get the fairy tale ending! Why do the other girls and boys get it? What makes me so much of a loser that I can't live like a normal person? What makes me think I have the right to complain?

There are so many kids with worse lives than me. I am so ungrateful.... They would kill to be in my position. They would be so much more useful though. They wouldn't be watching themselves slowly die! They---- I was jolted awake.

The nurse was smiling over me. "If you want to have a sleep over you have to call your parents!" She said jokingly but I think she would be up for it. She would find out secrets. I shivered as I began to think that's all she wanted.

I shook my head violently. I am scared of her just like I am scared of my parents. I opened my aching mouth. She pointed to the black modern clock on her walls. She knew what I wanted. I wanted to go home. She knew this. Why is she making it difficult?

"Bye Mikan. I hope all the sleeping you did today doesn't mess up your schedule too bad..." I grabbed my stuff and ran out the room. I don't feel the groggy mornings. I am always alert after I wake up. I wonder why....

The small heels of my shoe were clacking on the floors. The clacks were happening rappidly just like how my heart was beating. My parents were going to kill me.

I'm late. They would think I finally gained the courage. When I get home I'm dead. I almost feel relieved. Just that slight feeling I'm soon going to be a corpse comforts me. It's sick but is my life.

(Yeah my grammar and punctuation is all over the place. Right now I have homestuck on my mind so it's not a 100% but I just felt like writing :) and yeah I got her out of the nurses office. I think the next chapter is going to be really long XD her dreams are so fun to write I had to try and bore it down or else we would have another chapter of just dreams. I know she is supposed to happier but hey there is a saying 'It gets worse before it gets better'....)