Woman//H.S

I Am Her

Don't look at me immediately
And whisper behind my back thinking I'm naive
It's my southern hospitality
Tolerates more BS than I can believe

i couldn't wait so you guys are getting an update today and tomorrow and an always one soon so ur just some lucky bitches i guess

alessia clover willows

Growing up, we were always read the same cheesy romance stories. They started with a gorgeous princess that had been trapped in this brown brick-lined castle, a curse on her that only the most handsome of men could break. The princess had long golden hair and fair creamy skin that Prince Charming had always yearned in his relationships, but could never find.

The princess would let down her shining locks of gold, singing a song that would make her hair glow and allow the prince charming to rescue her from her house of horrors. They would ride off in the sunset together and have a perfect life.

I was born as Matthew, but I never felt right as Matthew.

I didn't realize it then, but later in life, I would see how wrong that story was. I would see how it wasn't always a man and a woman, and I had to learn that it was okay. I grew up in the eastern part of atlanta, a very conservative town, and under the command of two very conservative parents. Mom, Fei, my dad Chen, (Both second-generation Korean immigrants), and my older brother Daxton were the only home and the only friends I had as a kid.

I never really knew why at the time, but when I would read or be read these romance stories, I could never see myself becoming a strong and brave prince that would save a woman from her castle, and I couldn't see myself marrying a woman period. The word gay was only used in the church pews to describe how overjoyed these people were that Jesus had saved them from their sins but not to describe anything same-sex.

I had found out what Gay meant through the internet, something on an Instagram page that had piqued my interest and initially sent me into a fit of guilt for even thinking that I could even be a part of that group, let alone find a man attractive. I mean, I always did have this weird attraction to Danny Fantom, but I always thought it was just because he was a cartoon character, and that it technically didn't count.

He was really hot though. That hair.

I understand it now.

I had also learned that there was such a thing as a transgender woman, a girl that was born a man on the outside but has always been a woman on the inside, and the thought had me smiling to myself giddily when I was a teenager.

I was gay.

I kept it a secret for years, scared of how my brother and parents would react, which, spoiler alert, was not the best. It all made sense. I loved the color pink, even though my parents would put into my mind that the color was for girls, and I would crave to wear dresses. I would even wear skirts from my friends' dress-up sets and would love every second of it before her parents would find out what I was wearing.

I was transgender. I am transgender.

I felt like I couldn't keep the secret like I needed to tell someone, but even if I felt that way, I knew that not only my life would be ruined, but I just couldn't stand to see my parents be so disgusted by their own son.

I kept it all a secret, but three months before I would graduate from high school...it all happened.

I was in the emergency room for three hours, getting rid of every cut and bruise and also trying to get rid of the slits on my wrist.

I still have scars. One is in my hair, a line of damaged skin from a cut that they had caused, a deep red line that will always remind me of that cold school tile.