Woman//H.S

That's Just How It Goes

But you won't wanna waste your time
I'll see you in the street
And you'll try not to look at me
And I'll miss how it used to be
I know

alessia clover willows

I didn't want to leave him, I'll tell you that, but now that I'm home, I realize how far deep into this I am.

I'm scared. I'm so scared he'll find out and run to the public and shout it from the rooftops that I've failed. I've failed at becoming who I want. I hate to admit it, but because I'm too scared to get the surgery, I feel like I've failed not only myself but every guy I've dated. I probably would have loved them if they would have stayed, and they would have loved me. No ones loved me before because of the simple fact that I'm different, and I'm sure Harry would say otherwise, but I'm also not the best at the sexual stuff.

I mean I'm not a virgin so that's nice, but the guys I'm with just cum and leave, not saying anything really and I'm left with a hard dick and sorrow.

I have a huge meeting tomorrow, and I'm super nervous, but the only thing that's keeping me sane is the fact that I get to hear his voice after. I don't know why, but the thought of being able to just hear him at the least has my cheeks hearing and I squeal to myself as I get my outfit for tomorrow ready, waiting for my parents to call any minute, and when my phone rings I jump to it, turning it on speaker.

"Hi!" I hear them both say, and I'm surprised they haven't called me by my dead name as much as they have in the past. I don't mind really, even if it hurts my feelings that they don't call me alessia, but I understand I guess.

"Hi, mom, hi dad," I smile as I walk towards my closet, listening to them as I go through my clothes, hoping to find something professional.

"How has your guys week been?" I ask and I hear my mother sigh.

"Well, our plumbing was broken for a while so we stayed with Daxton, but thankfully your father called in a favor with the Feros' and now we're back home!" She says and I can hear the fake happiness. I haven't talked to my brother Dax in over three years now, and I miss him a lot. He just doesn't miss me I guess.

"What happened?" I ask, honestly not interested, but I haven't figured out a lame recap of my week yet, so I have them talk a bit more. They usually drag on about what's happening in town anyway.

"Something to do with the pipes being too pressurized in the basement, they seem to be fine now. How was your week, Matthew?" My dad asks and I squeeze my eyes shut at the name for a second, my chest stinging. I haven't heard that name come from anyone else besides them since high school, but I will never get used to it again.

"It was okay...I have another big meeting tomorrow that I'm excited for but besides that it's been pretty boring," I mumble and I hear my mother gasp, my

"Oh, Mr.Fero, the plumber, said his daughter was asking about you. I think you two went to high school together?" She says and I look over towards the phone, waking over slowly, stepping over where Lucy laid on one of my old sweaters, probably destroying it.

"What's her name?" I ask, laying down by my phone and toying with the corner of the case Fifers company had made last summer, my favorite pattern of hers.

"Gail I believe, she was such a nice girl, don't you remember her, Matthew?" She says and I can't even hear her anymore. She knew. Gail knew. She was going to tell Harry. My stomach fell to the ground and my eyes sting as I sit up quickly, it all hitting me like a truck and I pace my room as my mom blabbers on, talking about Gails family and I can just see it. I can see the disappointment on his face and I can hear his voice dropping as he makes up some excuse. I can feel bike rise in my throat and my stomach clenches, my head light and I feel as if I'm going to pass out.