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✧*。
Dear Jimin,
I don't know what to do. I badly want to have blanket wrapped around my body, to assure me that everything will be okay but my own blanket can't even do that but instead it reminded me of how disgusted I am to myself.
Being in my room, in that house only made me want to disappear thinking that not long after I get home, I will face another series of beating and shouting.
I wanted to cry it all out. I wanted to ask Him why. Why is this all happening? I just wanted a normal life. Why can't I have that?
I can't stop myself from thinking about how those disgusting men tried to harm me. Warm water can't wash away the feeling of their hands touching my body. The way they laughed when I cried for mercy. That scene traumatized me.
Everyday, it's hard to pretend that there's nothing going on. I wanted a mother to tell my worries into. I wanted a father to defend me to those bastards. But I am just a bother. Going near them and asking them for me to be pampered will just worsen the heaviness I feel.
It will only remind me that I don't have that kind of family. That I have no one but myself only. And now... It's also slowly walking away from me.
What if I end my own life? Will it take the pain away? Will it take care of me? Will I be finally free? What if it will not? What if it will?
I breathe slowly as I close my eyes and tried to replace my clouded mind with the image of your smile. A faint warmth tug on my entirety.
I hugged my legs as I placed my chin on my knees. I let my hair fall on my sides, thinking that it was you who's slowly caressing my arms.
It's been three days since I last went to school. My parents believed that I am indeed going there everyday. But the truth is... I just stopped by and hope that I'll see you. Which I didn't. I wander everywhere to try finding a place that will give me even just for temporary comfort.
But no place could ever make me feel that warmth the way you did.
