Shinsou Hitoshi

S/o relapses with self harm

Author's note: They're older than in the manga/anime and living together. I recently relapsed with cutting and I guess this was therapeutic to write. I'm not glorifying self harm or anything like that, this is just the way I like to write. Also this is kinda OOC because I haven't written Shinsou in like forever.

Warnings: Self harm and mentions of blood I guess

You had been doing so well. You hadn't cut in months and you had been feeling better in general, but again, out of nowhere, the feeling hit you. That hopeless, nothing matters, why am I even alive feeling. It just overwhelmed you, like a tsunami, there was nothing you could do except stand idly by. It was like you were a passenger in your own body, not in control of your actions. Before you knew it, you had a blade to your wrist and you were dragging it across your skin.

It didn't take long for you to come to your senses, but that moment, those few seconds of not being in control, cost you months of being clean.

"Fuck" you sighed as you pressed a piece of tissue on the freshly made cut and threw the blade into the sink.

You wanted to cry but you felt too numb to do even that. So you just cleaned your wrist and put some bandaids on the cut, haphazardly throwing away the bloody tissue and the blade.

It was your day off and you decided you should do something productive instead of wallowing in your self pity for the rest of the evening. So even though you weren't really in the mood, you started cleaning, just your nightstand at first and then your desk. You archived all your old paperwork and bills and put your drawing supplies in their correct drawers.

When Shinsou came home later that evening, you had cleaned the whole bedroom and most of the kitchen too.

"How was work?" you asked as he walked into the kitchen, dropping his bag next to the counter.

"It was good, not much villain activity today, so I was mostly just doing routine patrols" he answered. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Wanna join me?" he asked with a tired smile.

"No thanks, I already took a shower earlier" you lied, smiling softly.

Shinsou just nodded and took his leave. He was dead tired from a long week of work and was already looking forward to getting to sleep in tomorrow. Just cuddling with you in bed till noon, sounded like an excellent plan.

After he came out of the shower, he noticed something under the sink, next to the trash can, it was a bloody tissue. Shinsou picked it up and threw it into the trash. He sighed, and wrapped a towel around himself. Maybe you had just had a nosebleed, that was a possibility, right?

The look in Shinsou's eyes gave him away the second he stepped into your view. You knew he knew, maybe he had found the bloody tissue, maybe he just knew somehow, it wouldn't be the first time.

"Do you... want to talk about it?" he asked.

"It's the same as always, that hopeless feeling, that feeling like I don't matter to anyone, etc, etc, you know how it goes" you sniffled and wiped your eyes with your sleeve.

"I don't actually, contrary to popular belief, I can't read minds, just control them. I get feeling hopeless and all that, but what I don't understand is why you didn't call me when you felt the urge to hurt yourself"

"I don't know why I didn't call you, I know that's what we have agreed on, but as you can see, I don't really react in the most rational of ways to these situations" you said after a while of silence, trying to lighten the mood.

Shinsou didn't buy it, but if that's how you wanted to play this, so be it. He wouldn't push the matter, at least not right now.

"Come here" he said.

You stepped closer to him and he wrapped his arms around you. He was still a little damp, and you could smell he had used your shampoo.

"I just want you to know that I love you, no matter what and you can always talk to me" he said

"I love you too" you muttered to the crook of his neck. "You damn shampoo thief" you added quietly.

"What?" he asked, sounding baffled.

"Nothing" you laughed and kissed him on the cheek.