Our eyes locked.

Chapter 36. She's perfect

Chapter 36. She's perfect.

Xanders POV-

"Whenever you're ready, I'll be here" I reluctantly spoke, knowing that every fibre of my body wanted nothing more than to drag her into that bed with me, and to finally be with her. But despite my previous attitude towards girls, I knew I couldn't put her in a position where she had to feel like she had lost a part of herself. A position that would mean she had officially cheated, so I bent down slightly, gave her a hug and left.

Closing the door to her longing face was difficult enough, but being left alone with my thoughts on that walk home was even more painful.

I couldn't help but think she was better off with Tommy. He was dick, but he cared for her- he offered her the safety I know I can't; the shelter of having no real baggage, no reputation, no temper that got you expelled, and as much I fucking hated him- he has only lost his temper once and unfortunately for him it didn't end well.

Me? I'd need two hands to count how many times I've punched something out of a small inconvenience, but I was working on it.

My biggest concern was that I wouldn't be able to 'settle down'. Not because I doubted myself, but because everyone around me expects me to get with another girl behind Andys back, or to hurt her in ways she would never deserve.

I like to believe I've grown, even though there was a pit inside me that terrified me. A pit in my stomach that made me doubt everything I had worked on, everything I had bettered, purely because I am so damn terrified of hurting her. And as my foot kicked a pebble into the side of the road, I knew these thoughts weren't going away.

I'm not good enough for her.

Droplets of water began to collide with the pavement letting everyone know tomorrow's sky's were going to be miserable. So I quickly let myself into my house, running up the stairs to finally crash on my bed, allowing myself to block out my thoughts and sleep because I knew once I closed my eyes, I would only find her waiting for me.

***

The shrill scream of my phone alerted me that it was probably best to wake up, despite having no school Hudson rarely let me sleep in on the weekend, demanding we spend more time together.

"Bro do you know what time it is?" I answered, irritation evident in my voice.

"It's four in the afternoon and dark outside genius" he sarcastically quipped.

I groaned.

"Stop sulking and move your arse. I'll be at yours in 20" Hudson spoke, ending the call quickly and I huffed, I loved that boy but Jesus did he know how to piss me off.

The sky looked pissed off too, not quite raining but the heavy clouds had darkened over night replacing the white wispy ones that contrasted to the usually blue back drop.

I tried to ignore the knots that were forming in my stomach, knowing that Andy was most likely talking to Tommy and terrified she would see my damages and pick him. The feeling in itself was enough to show me that the brown eyed girl had managed to chisel away at my stubbornly built walls and get through to a side of me I had blocked out with the passing of Alex.

It was small, but it was something.

By the time I had gotten dressed, it was 4:30 and luckily for me Hudson had gotten distracted talking to Flynn, giving me time to do up my laces before we headed out.

I eyed the sky nervously, the grey woolly blanket of clouds had begun to let the rain fall and I couldn't help but wonder if that was the universe giving me the big finger; A sign that Andy had chosen him.

It was hard for me to not buy into those thoughts, but as I saw a jogging figure approach my driveway with such eagerness, I knew that she was only here to tell me one thing.

And I couldn't wait to hear her finally admit it.

*song inspo- Please notice, Christian Leave*

Her body quickly stopped, as though she had finally realised what was about to happen, making me quickly walk to open my front door and properly see her.

"Andy what are you doing? it's freezing" I quickly approached her, the rain getting absorbed into my clothing. Not that she seemed to care as once I stepped out and into my driveway, she started to walk towards me again as though her mind was telling her where to go before her body could process it. 

What has gotten into her? I thought to myself, a confused smile planted on my lips, but that was soon replaced.

Her hands tangled themselves in my damp messy hair and before I knew it, her lips were placed on mine.

And it didn't even take me a second to kiss her back.

I kissed her with every bit of emotion I had.

I kissed her to tell her that I'm sorry for the six years of nothingness, I kissed her to reassure her that it would only ever be her, and I kissed away my regret, but mainly, I just kissed her because I could.

Because for the first time since I had come back to school, there was nothing holding me back, and boy did I know it.

I was cautious, a little worried I would break her, but I could feel her hands move from my hair to my cheek and I knew that she wasn't going anywhere.

So I moved my hands from where they were on her face, where I was cupping her cheeks gently, and slowly travelled them down to rest on her hips in a poor attempt to bring her impossibly closer to me.

In that moment she was everything, and every doubt I had about my ability to do right by her vanished with every kiss she laid on me.

She was perfect.

"I really like you, Xander" she spoke once we both pulled away.

Like.

I smiled, a genuine smile, as she lightly rested her forehead on mine.

"Well I'd hope so" I jokingly laughed.

"I'm sorry it took me so long" She spoke.

"Don't be. You needed to do it right, I'm just happy we have now" I responded, knowing it was corny but not caring because she needed to hear it.

She looked at me as though she expected me to have a different reaction, lust and awe filling her beautiful brown eyes, and I could tell by the way her expression filled with admiration, she was looking at my eyes, something I had always known she had done, even when we were young.

Little does she know I've always seen forever in her brown ones, and I used to think all she saw was me.

So as I nudged my nose with hers, I couldn't believe what I was about to admit. I couldn't believe the vulnerabilities I was about to show her, but I took a deep breathe and continued anyway.

"I think I'm falling for you" I spoke, my voice wobbling slightly.

And as I spoke those words I could feel my walls that were once built so high, come crumbling down in a way that only she would have been able to make them.

I think she completed me, she took all my broken pieces and tried her very best to put me back together.

Her eyes fogged over in what looked like longing, and although she didn't say it back, her lips said enough.

and she lightly kissed me again.

***

Short but sweet insight to our beautiful Xanders thoughts.

A proper update will be coming on Saturday. We're slowly coming to an end :((

Vote and comment guys <33

-Mys xo