Fatal Flaws

chapter 9

"I love you, Bex. I'm never going to let you go. You're the Bonnie to my Clyde. " Johnny laughs as he kisses my lips in the back seat of Henry's old beat up Chevy Caprice.His fingers trace circles over my cheek as I nestle my face against his palm. The smell of Old Spice aftershave and warm ginger entices me. I nestle up against him and close my eyes. His heart beating gently through his chest is calming.

"Johnny, Johnny, open your eyes, please! Johnny, wake up!" I'm screaming, but no one is around to hear me.

There's so much blood.

It's everywhere. My hands are dyed red, along with the ground. The more I try to make it stop, the more it flows out in spurts. A large, dark red puddle of fresh blood is pooling out from beneath his body. The sloshing sound it makes as it hits the pavement is deafening in the silence.

"Somebody help, please!" I plead. My voice cracks from the rawness in my throat. I'm desperate.

Anyone, please. Where is everyone?

Tears are spouting from my eyes. Each tear that drops gets lost mixing with the blood.My voice is merrily a whisper now.

Why isn't anyone coming?

"Bex, Bex, wake up," a male voice is coming from somewhere.Finally, someone is coming.

Why is he shaking me?

My eyes snap open. It's completely dark, besides a small amount of light creeping in from behind the curtains. I assume it's from the street lamps outside.It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. My dorm room is becoming clearer. The light shines over his face, illuminating his features.

"Hayden, what are you doing here?" I stammer, surprised.My voice chokes.

"My roommate was having a female friend over and needed theprivacy. Besides Skylars staying with Hope tonight, so she said I could crash in her bed." his voice is quieter than usual.I push myself up with quite some difficulty. My head is throbbing. I'm so tired. I haven't slept long at all. My body feels drained, like I've been submerged underwater for hours.Even my skin is cold and clammy. Warm tears streak down my cheeks. The saltiness from them lingers on my lips. I can taste it every time I lick them.

"Are u okay?" He asks.An unusual look of concern is etched across his face.

"I'm fine. It was only a nightmare, " I answer. A sudden wave of worry washes over me.Was I talking in my sleep? Did I say anything about Johnny? What does he know?My heart is racing. It feels like it's about to jump out of my chest at any second, pounding fiercely against my breast. The sound is so loud that it's echoing in my ears.

"You were thrashing around and moaning a lot. You woke me up out of a dead sleep, "he whispers, lowering his eyes.

"I was worried about you," he tries to reassure me. It's almost as though he could sense my worry.

"I told you. It was a nightmare I have sometimes. It's not a big deal," I tell him. Deep down, I know I'm trying to remind myself of this. That this is some terrible memory that won't go away. It's not my fault.

"Do you mind? I need to change my clothes, they're wet, "I snap, pulling on my wet T-shirt that's currently clinging to my bare back.

"Yea, that's fine. I'll turn around, "he whines. He's obviously not happy about this.I can't help but laugh as he pretends to cover his eyes with his hands. The whole time spreading his fingers apart. His piercing blue eyes stares at me from between them. A silly grin spread across his face.

"You're not funny," I tease. Taking advantage, I give him a quick jab to his stomach in the dark.

Hey, it's not like I haven't already seen some of what you have to offer," he jokes.

A single tear develops in the corner of my eye. I force down the small lump that had began to rise in my throat. It's bad enough that I have to relive one of the worst moments of my life on repeat. But now Hayden has witnessed me experiencing one of these episodes. If that wasn't bad enough, now he wants to joke about the one moment of weakness that I have had since I got here. All he has done is help to remind me I'm a failure.And I always will be. I can't even start over right without fucking something up. Leave it to me to ruin something good I had going on. Letting a complete stranger touch me. Almost ruining the only friendship I have here. Which there is still a chance if she finds out.One more secret to add to my giant growing list.Everything going on is devouring me. I'm drowning in it.Another tear escapes, falling to the bed below.

I'm stronger than this. I silently tell myself, wiping my face.

"Hey, don't take it the wrong way. I wasn't saying it was a bad thing," he whispers. "Just because we had a little fun, it doesn't mean anything. I'm not judging you," his face softens as he speaks.

I know he isn't trying to be a jerk. But it doesn't matter. My face burns as my blood pressure rises. I have nothing left in me but anger.It's been boiling inside of me for so long. All my emotions are twisting around, combining inside of me. My pain and hurt are being consumed by rage. All I see is red.

"Yea, of course it didn't mean anything to you," I scream. Allowing all my anger to be unleashed on Hayden.

"I don't mean shit to you, to my family, or anyone else. All I was to you was some easy slut. Another mark on your board. Some poor pathetic girl that made out with you. When guess what? I don't even know you," I yell. Flinching up away from him.

"You say you won't judge me, but I know what you think. I'm a whore right" I'm so angry.My whole bodies numb. I'm shaking with every word, slicing through the air like a hot knife."Whoa! Hold up, I never said that," he barks. Jumping up to stand beside me.

"I don't know what your deal is, but you don't know me either" his eyes are bulging out. They're making him resemble a madman.

"So don't be so damn quick to judge me," his voice was now as harsh as mine. He isn't even seeing me right now. His eyes are staring straight through me.Part of me wants to smack that smug little smile off of his face. The other half is so tired. Tired of hating everyone.Of constantly having to hide my emotions. Hiding how I truly feel from everyone. I know I have to. No one will understand. I'm worn out from carrying this weight on my shoulders.

"Can you please turn around?" I ask him. My shoulders droop down. The defeat is clear in my voice.

Without saying a word, he spins around, facing the wall. I slide past him. Tension is thick in the air. Any hint of joking or laughter is gone.Once I'm hidden behind the closet door, I remove my soiled clothing, sliding on my clean pajamas. The cool wooden panel of the door feels so nice against my back.I can't fight this anymore, not right now. I give in to my tears. I'm sobbing uncontrollably. My chest is heaving rapidly up and down. I ignore the sharp pains shooting across my breast.I'm struggling to catch my breath.I give up as my body slides down the door. All I can do is bring my knees up to my chest and unleash all the burdens I have been carrying.By the time I pull myself together and step out from behind my haven, Hayden is already back in bed.

He's snoring peacefully, his mouth hanging open. I have to admit; he is quite attractive. But he drives me absolutely crazy.I just met him, and already he has made me weak and vulnerable. Not to mention he has managed to get me more angry than anyone else ever has.Climbing into bed, I pull the comforter up snuggly around me, drifting off to sleep. Only this time thoughts of Johnny and Hayden both consume my dreams. . Nightmares of that night are clashing alongside my dreams of sexual frustration. A mysterious dark-haired boy riding in on a white horse to save me from myself.