Fatal Flaws

chapter 11

    My alarm goes off bright and early the next morning. Without opening my eyes, I reach over and switch it off. My body feels so groggy, like I haven't slept in days. My mind is the total opposite. It's racing, going over every scenario that can play out today. Ranging from me forgetting a pencil to a complete meltdown in front of the entire class.

A loud yawn escapes my lips as I rub my eyes. I'm glad no one was here last night. I had woken up several times in cold sweats, crying and screaming out for Johnny. My whole body trembles as the horrible memories of my dreams come flooding back. It's always the same. That night plays on a constant loop in my mind over and over again.

I doubt I'll ever be able to get those horrendous visions out of my mind. All the blood and screaming. A shiver runs through me as an image of his lifeless body surfaces. Before I allow myself to break down, I force it back into the darkest place in my mind.

Today is the first day of class and my new beginning. My nerves are already bad enough without having to think about my past.

High school was a horrible experience. Thanks to my history with drugs, I drifted around. Not caring what I looked like. I wore whatever I woke up in. Even if it was pajamas and a fuzzy pair of house shoes. I would never have been able to get through the days if it hadn't been for my trusty water bottle. It usually held a mixture of vodka and Sprite. Depending on the level of intoxication I wanted, sometimes I would toss a few pills into it.

This year is going to be different, I silently remind myself. A new town, a new school, and a brand new me.

The shower room is empty except for another girl. I can hear her humming some random song a few stalls down.The water feels great while I rush to wash over my body. I'm not a morning person. Showering seems to help wake me up.It's freezing by the time I finally shut the water off and grab my towel. I'm glad I got here when I did. It's beginning to fill up fast. There are only a few open stalls left.

Walking back into my room. I'm thankful to be alone. I allow the towel to slide down onto the bed.Staring at my reflection in the mirror always makes me sad.My naked, damp skin is flawless besides my scar. It's a hideous reminder of that night. And it will haunt me forever. I can never escape from beneath it.Both of my breasts hang loosely in front of me. My left one has always been slightly bigger than the right one. Over the years, I have tried to embrace my differences. I'm still self-conscious about this.

My drenched, dark wild curls are covering my face. They appear to be limp and lifeless. Each curl sags slightly downward.Water droplets still glisten, clinging to my skin. Others are escaping, randomly cascading down my body. Each one makes a tiny plop as it lands on the wooden floor below me. A small puddle now gathers at my feet.

After what seems like an eternity of digging through my closet, I finally decide on something. A tight pair of black leggings, with a crisscross pattern up the side, revealing my skin beneath them. I choose a form-fitting red T-shirt with a black tank top underneath it. To hide my excess rolls.

Using a few of the tips from Hope, I'm able to finish my hair in half the time. A simple ponytail. It's nothing fancy, but it will do.

I decide to use the extra time I have to do a little more to my face.I brought a little makeup from home with me, but not much. I look over at the small bag that holds all my face products. It's old and worn out. The zipper busted at the end so now it doesn't close all the way. A few unsharpened eye brow pencils are peeking out.

I don't think Sky would mind if I borrow a little of hers. I'm surprised she had left it here, but relieved.Random items escape as I pull her oversize maroon caboodle towards me. Some items in here I have no clue what they are. What even is the difference between mascara and brow gel? I take a few moments and inspect each item before deciding to stick with the basics. Things I'm familiar with and know how to use.