antidote | h.s.

4 - someone new

TW: body image, panic attacks

ashton mackenzie

I definitely have a crush on Harry.

Fuck.

Ilene asked for my number last night and made a group chat with me and everyone in it. I didn't have anyone's numbers besides Drew, but she and Harry helped me put everyone in my contacts, including Harry. He texted me last night to make sure I got home okay, and to say I didn't scream way too loud for 12 AM in my apartment would be a lie.

It was a scream of fear more than anything else. I'm so scared of texting. Not as much as I am of calling, but still.

We've sort of been texting back and forth ever since last night. It started with the mutual "I had a great time" and then somehow we ended up in a conversation about anything and everything.

We talked about some crazy clients of his and then I compared them to some crazy students of mine. He asked me about music and I went on practically a five-page speech about my favorite albums and songs, only realizing afterward how insane he must think I am. If he does, then he didn't show it. He at least pretended to be interested when I talked about the things absolutely no one else cares about.

I've always loved music, and I think I express myself better through music than anything else. I wanted to be a music teacher before I went to college, actually.

I told him about that too. He told me about his parents and their divorce and his sister. I decided not to really tell him about my family, especially not my sister.

That's another thing. I completely forgot about my not mentioning Chloe rule here and totally offered to hook her up with a photographer, and Harry of all people. I really hope he doesn't ask about her again because I truly don't want them to ever have to meet. My feelings will just be too hurt.

But he offered to just give her a shoot for free. He's so fucking nice it's sometimes painful.

I just can't let my brain think that Chloe and Harry live in the same universe. It'll ruin everything. In my world, Harry is on the best, most beautiful island, being fed grapes and sleeping on silk sheets while Chloe is far far away, on the other side of the world.

Harry:
i really like hozier too! i think his second album is probably just as good as the first one, but it doesn't get as much credit because people only know take me to church

I'm convinced he's an angel.

Me:
i completely agree! what's your favorite song by him?

Harry:
definitely either like real people do, in a week, or someone new. i'm a sucker for the romantics

Me:
did you know like real people do was written about someone falling in love with a corpse

Harry:
...
i didn't know that

Me:
that's also my favorite song of his. in a week also has a decrepit meaning of some sort but i can't remember right now

Harry:
well aren't you full of surprises

I open my keyboard to respond right as my phone screen lights up with an incoming call.

Fantastic.

I don't think I can ignore it this time.