antidote | h.s.

5 - will we talk?

harry styles

How could someone be so fucking stupid?

It's Wednesday, which is also the day I stupidly tried to ask Ashton to go out with me on.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I am so unbelievably grateful for her misunderstanding because I was genuinely trying to ask her on a date. Like, just me and her. But she thought I meant another group thing, which I can easily arrange for the sake of my dignity.

You know what else I did?

I asked her to model for me. AND I called her beautiful.

I mean, she is beautiful but she doesn't need to know that I think she is.

Or maybe she does?

Well, why am I trying to hide that from her?

Oh, right. My girlfriend.

Speaking of, I haven't heard from Sadie since she left my apartment Saturday morning. I don't know if she did lose her job or not. To be completely honest, I'm not too mad that she hasn't reached out.

Should I be mad? I mean, she is my girlfriend... thing.... person.

Either way, I almost fucked up with Ashton.

And I'm making it even worse right now as I drive up to Ashton and Drew's school to "give Drew his lunch."

I may or may not have forgotten to tell Drew about my plan. It's not like I'll have to see him or anything. I'll just be in and out after I "run into Ash" and he won't even know I was there.

Fuck, I need a life. Or at least a hobby.

To be fair, I had a hobby. And then I made it my career. And then it fucked me over.

Besides the point.

I'm definitely pathetic. I don't think I realized how creepy this was when I thought of it this morning.

I pull into the parking lot of the school, which I've honestly only been to once, while turning down my music because for some reason I feel like it'll help me concentrate on parking better.

Ashton told me she's been really into Sam Fender's music lately when we were talking Saturday night so I've listened to his album Hypersonic Missiles an embarrassing amount of times since then.

I honestly never would have expected such a rock influence in the music taste of a girl like Ash. Not that it's bad, or anything, it was just surprising.

Not only with Sam fender, but I noticed the Black Keys shirt she had on at the loft on Friday, and then she also told me some of her favorite artists are Jade Bird and Hozier, because who doesn't love Hozier?

I classify Hozier and Jade Bird as more of an alternative-rock genre, though. I guess that's also how I would class Ashton's music taste. Like an indie-rock, pop-alternative kind of thing. At least of what she's told me so far. Every time we talk it seems like I learn something I really never expected about her.

I mean, we haven't really talked all week. I guess that's why I'm here. Is it creepy? Yes. Are they even going to let me on campus? Probably not.

Damn I really didn't think this through.

Well, it's worth a shot to just walk in and see if anybody notices I'm not supposed to be there.

I find a parking spot very far away from the entrance and turn off the car once I'm in it.