The secret of the rose

Part 4 Chapter 22

                                                                    1 month

The weeks go by without any changes on Steven. I go back and forth between the University and the hospital. Classes are about to end for the summer, and I have exams to prepare. So instead of spending my evenings at the library, I study, sitting next to Steven, books in hand, to prepare for my exams. I read my notes aloud, that way I hope he can hear me from where he is.

The heart monitor beeps have become my everyday noises. I end up no longer hearing them from spending hours at his bedside. The nurses are so nice to me. They occasionally bring me snacks and when the evenings are calmer, they come to talk to me. The moment my eyes close on their own, I hit the road to go to sleep in my bed, leaving my love alone for another night.

On weekends, I spend my entire days at Steven's bedside. Christine is often with me, keeping me company. She leaves occasionally, leaving me alone with her son. It is during these moments that I let go of my emotions and I burst into tears. I do not want to cry in front of Christine, she already has her share of trials. I guess she too wants to hide her troubles so as not to make me suffer more.

During one of these endless days, Christine leaves to get something to eat. She comes back half an hour later with two hot coffees and my favorite chocolate chip muffins. When Christine approaches me to give me my coffee, I turn white as I smell the odor. I gently push the cup away, turn away from it with a look of disgust and rush to the bathroom to throw up my breakfast.

- I think I got a virus. I have been vomiting when I get up in the morning for some time, I am sleepy all day and I have no appetite.

Christine looks at me suspiciously and seems to be wondering.

- Jenny, I don't think it's a virus. When was the last time you had your period?

I am surprised at her question, but when I realize what she wants to imply, I almost pass out. I start mentally counting until the date of my last period and realize that I jumped two months. Christine may not be wrong. I cannot believe it. On the other hand, I realize that we have not been very wise in terms of pregnancy prevention. We were too anchored in the present moment to worry about contraception. Maybe we should have done it. How could we have been so carefree?

I was never told about this by my grandmother. Since sex is prohibited before marriage in the Baptist religion, she never intended to speak to me about it. I never consulted the school nurse for advice since the boys only spoke to me to insult me. So, there was never any question of sexuality on my side. As for Steven, he never told me about his former girlfriends and I never asked him.

- Oh! No. Do you think I am pregnant? I said in an embarrassed tone.

- I think so, darling. All these symptoms point to pregnancy. We can do exams at the hospital. All it takes is a simple blood test and we will have the results by the end of the day.

I am shocked by what I just heard. I am too young; I still have a lot of projects to carry out. I must be late because of the stress for my final exams. I cannot be pregnant. I am upset, it is not the right time to have a child. I have not finished my studies and Steven is still in a coma. I start to panic; my hands start to shake. My heart is beating faster, and my breath is short. Christine sees my distress.

- Poor darling, she said reassuringly. I think we must face the facts, you're probably pregnant, I'm sure. Let us go see a nurse to get you tested.

I nod while lowering my eyes. She takes me in her arms and hugs me affectionately. Together, hand in hand, we head to the nurses' station and Christine discusses my situation with a nurse. She takes charge of me immediately and takes my blood.

Towards the end of the afternoon, I receive the results. My God! I am pregnant. I am unable to rejoice at this news. Everything turns upside down in my head. There have been too many events for some time, and I do not know how to handle it all. I will become a mother at 19 years old. I am way too young; I do not know what to do with a baby. I still have a few years of university left before I get my teaching degree. And Steven is still unconscious. I cannot do this alone; he must wake up.

- Don't worry, darling. I will be there for you. I now think about you as my own daughter, I will always be by your side. Besides, I am going to be a grandmother, she tells me, mocking to lighten the mood. Me, grandmother, at my age.

She starts to giggle more, like this situation is funny. I want to disappear. I feel like I am going back to my high school days when I was the laughingstock of my school. I collapse in the chair next to Steven completely in shock.

- Sorry darling. I am a little excessive. I didn't mean to laugh at you or the situation. I know it can be scary. I too got pregnant when I was 19. But don't worry, I won't leave you alone, you are part of the family now.

- Thank you, Christine. But how am I going to do it? I have not finished my studies. I do not have a job. And Steven is still in a coma.

I start to panic. I can hardly breathe. Christine takes me in her arms and tries to calm me down. Tears start to rain on my cheeks without being able to stop them. I hold on to Christine, she pats my back. We stay tangled until I calm down. Once my tears are wiped away, Christine leaves the room leaving me alone with Steven. I approach the bed, take his hand, and start a monologue hoping he can hear me.

- Steven, my love. If you can hear me, wake up. I need you. I am scared and you are the only one who knows how to reassure me. Please wake up.