Hi all,
Originally, I was going to attatch this to the end of the next chapter but I realized that a) it was too long of an authors note and b) I don't know when I'm posting a chapter next.
As many of you might know, today is Mental Awareness Day. Mental health is something that runs super close to home. Not only that, this story touches on a few mental health disorders. A few chapters ago, I had noticed that there was a lot of feedback regarding Niall's confession that he struggles with anxiety. A lot of you commented that you too struggle with it or that you know someone that does. As well - many of you commented on Evie's fathers thoughts on how he fell in love with his wife for her appetite.
I am writing this note because I wanted to tell you that I completely get it.
Growing up, I struggled a lot with poor self-esteem. I was the 'chubby' girl amongst a sea of 'skinny' girls. All of my best friends were tall, beautiful and the sterotypical pretty girl - blonde, blue eyed, thin. (NOTE: I'm not skinny shaming). I was the opposite - short, brown eyed, dark haired... chubby. Instead of starving myself like the media would suggest, I became an emotional eater. I found comfort in food. I'd binge but never purged. However, the thought of purging crossed my mind many times (and still does to this day). But whenever I would stick my finger down my throat to force my food back up, I couldn't go through with it. I was too scared. Anxious. I couldn't go through with it. Instead, I continued to eat what I wanted but tried other means of dieting. Detoxes, cleanses...
As I got older, I managed to get a better handle on my self-esteem. Older ladies that I looked up to, admired and respected spoke encouraging words into my life and helped me see the beauty within me. This doesn't mean that I don't feel self concious today because that'd be a lie. I'm still not a "skinny girl" (SIDE NOTE: I'm not talking down on you if you are. Be proud of your body! We were created in all shapes and sizes - all of which are beautiful..) but I've become comfortable in my skin.
Fast forward a couple of years later. A few years ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I take antidepressants and have suffered with panic attacks. In college, I majored in counseling so I knew what anxiety was and mental disorders. I had a strong understanding of it so I was aware of what was going on inside me. Anxiety, depression, phobia - these are all the things that fell under my mental health. Not easy thing to accept!
One thing that I had to learn from all of this was that my anxiety... my mental disorder (because that's what this is)... does not define me. Yes it's a part of me, but it's not all of me.
That is the same for you. If you suffer with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder or any other form of a mental health disorder, remember that you are not alone in this. Your mental disorder doesn't define you as a person. It might seem like it does but at the end of the day, you are stronger than it.
I know that you might hear that all the time. It's easy to fall victim to your anxiety...depression... etc. I am saying this because I've been there. However, I have learnt how to handle it. I encourage you to find someone that you can talk to... someone that you trust and respect. I've already heard it before - "That doesn't work..." "Nobody will listen..." - but trust me, it does. Find what works for you. Maybe it's journaling, writing songs, dancing. Don't get to the point where you are so consumed by your disorder that you can't find your way out of it.
Going to a counsellor is okay. Asking for help is okay. Taking antidepressants is okay. Checking into a rehab facility to overcome your eating disorder is okay.
You are strong... you are capable... you are beautiful... and you can influence this world.
I love you all so much!
Jenn
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CANADIAN MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION:
www.cmha.ca
LETS TALK: BELL
letstalk.bell.ca
HELPFUL RESOURCES TUMBLR:
mentallilnessmouse.tumblr.com
TATTERED TIARAS:
www.facebook.com/tatteredtiaras -- this is a Canadian organization that a close friend of mine founded. Check them out. Their website is down at the moment but it's: www.tatteredtiaras.com
MY TWITTER: jhildey_
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FanfictionEvie Jones was seemingly in tact. Her life was a representation of perfection. Niall Horan was seemingly self-assured. His life a representation of indifference. On the outside, they were ideal; in no way flawed. But that was the outside- A mirage...
