Just Enough (Trans! Male Reader x Nishinoya) [FINISHED]

10: Tsukishima's Place

(F/C) ~ Favorite Color

Also, here is a trigger warning for today's chapter. Stay safe everyone. I'm here if you need to talk.

TW: Slurs, Transphobia, Dark Thoughts, Blades, Mentions Of Disownment, Blood, S*lf H*rm

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It takes about ten minutes before a car drives by me and stops. The back door opens and Tsukishima runs out. I run to him and embrace him in a hug. More tears start to run down my face as I begin to break down in his arms. Tsukishima stays silent and rubs circles onto my back while I continue.

"Come on," He says once my sobs have turned into hiccups and uneven breaths, "Akiteru needs to finish something for school and I left Tadashi waiting."

I nod and walk with Tsukishima to the car. I get in the back seat after he puts my bags in the trunk and see an older Tsukishima at the driver's seat. That's probably the Akiteru that Tsukishima had mentioned before.

"Hey, I'm Kei's older brother," Knew it, "I heard about what happened. How are you?"

I shrug and look at my hands.

"Binding?" Tsukishima asks when he gets in the passenger's seat.

"Took it off when I left practice. I know you already know I used bandages but don't lecture me. Tanaka already did that when he found out and threw them out the window.

The younger Tsukishima lets out a 'tch' and I also think an 'I knew it' but my mind can't focus on anything. After all the sobbing earlier, all emotions have left my body. I start to fidget with my zipper and take a deep breath as I try to even my breathing. Anxiety inducing thoughts begin to fill my head.

'Your parents are just like everyone; loves you until you're yourself.'

'The rest of the team is going to hate you when they find out you have no family.'

'No one likes trannies like you.'

'You should just-'

"(L/N)!" A flick hits the side of my head, snapping me until reality.

I look to the car door at my left. Tsukishima stands there with my bags in his hands.

"You good?" Tsukishima says with surprising concern, "You've been staring into space with a lifeless look for a bit now."

"I don't know," I reply, my voice being raspy from the sobbing I did, "I just need food and rest."

I get out of the car and grab my stuff from the blonde. We walk inside where he leads me to his room. Yamaguchi sits against Tsukishima's bed frame. He looks up and his eyes go wide.

"Oh (L/N)!" Yamaguchi gets up and hugs me, "Tsukki told me what happened. I'm here if you need me."

"Don't call me that," I say, "I don't want anything to do with my last name. Just call me (Y/N)-" I break from the hug, "Both of you. Can someone tell the rest of the team that for me but minus the whole being disowned thing?"

"Got that," Yamaguchi nods, pulling out his phone.

"Go take a shower real quick," Tsukishima tells me, "I'll go make some soup for you while you're doing that."

Tsukishima shows me to the bathroom and leaves me alone after showing me how to use the shower. I set the water to my preferred temperature and slowly undress. I stray away from the mirror because dysphoria is not something I need right now. When I step in the shower and take a deep breath. The last twenty-four hours have been the craziest twenty-four hours emotionally: I realized my crush on Noya, I got support from Suga and Noya, and I got disowned.

I place my hand on my cheek. It still stings a bit from the slap. More thoughts like the ones in the car fill my head. I shake my head real quick. I need to take a rest from thinking so I get myself washed and step out. After searching a bit, I find a (F/C) shirt and gray sweatpants. I change into the clothes and notice a glint of metal. I pull it out and see a pocket knife. The thoughts from before return but louder.

'Do it.'

'No one would care if a tranny like you did it.'

'Come on, don't be a pussy bitch.'

'Do it.'

'Do it!'

'DO IT.'

I close my eyes for a second. Should I do it?

"Fuck it," I whisper.

I open my eyes and take the blade in my hand. Slowly, but swiftly at the same time, I make cuts on my arm. Pain rushes to my brain and tells me to stop, but I can't. Small beads of blood seep through the opened wounds. After a good amount of cuts, I place the knife in the sink. I take a couple of deep breaths before cleaning the blade, placing it back in my bag when it's clean, and cleaning my arm. I find some wrap and wrap my arm before opening my volleyball jacket back on over it. Grabbing my bag, I head back out the bathroom and see Akiteru walk by.

"(Y/N)! He smiles, "I was just about to look for you. I have some chest binders that are too small for me. Since you said earlier that you used bandages, which you shouldn't have done, I thought you could use them."

"Really?" I say with a small smile, "That would be amazing."

I tell him what size I need and head to the kitchen. Tsukishima is stirring something in a pot on the stove and bobbing his head to whatever music that's playing through his headphones.

"Hey," I tap his shoulder.

He nods in acknowledgement and takes out a bowl. I sit in one of the chairs as Tsukishima puts some of the soup in the bowl.

"It's chicken," He says, giving me the bowl and some utensils, "And you'll be sleeping on the couch until Akiteru can get a new futon since he did something with the last one."

I nod, eating the soup as he leaves. It tastes really good so I finish quickly. I head to the living room where my school bag already sits. I take my blanket from my main bag, lay down on the couch, and go to sleep, wanting this day to be over already.

So... Yeah. There's a lot coming up so be ready for that. On a lighter note, Oikawa' ear huh XDDD. I also had a cover recently and we did well! My mom also met my girlfriend and said something transphobic afterwards so my mom is cancelled. Take a video of Kinoshita Supremacy.

🏐December 12th, 2020🏐