The Shattered Pieces of my Heart

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟚

The dance was one of the most important parts of the year so naturally we were all going. It was exciting. We all felt like we were beginning to become grown ups. The week before the dance some boys had been brave enough to ask girls out, but from what I had heard, Alex was not one of them. 

That night, Victoria, and Kenzi came over to my house so we could get ready together. We played around with outfits and makeup until we were finally ready. I remember the three of us standing in front of my bathroom mirror feeling so grown up. If I had to say who of the three of us was the prettiest it would have been Kenzi. The girl is gorgeous. Tall and slender with straight blonde hair and flawless skin. I always wondered why she wasn't part of the popular crowd because I was sure she would fit in perfectly.

We arrived at the dance ten minutes early and waited in line to enter the decorated gymnasium. I could hear the bass beat of whatever song they were playing inside and the rhythm matched the one of my own heart. I shivered, rubbing my hands across my arms and searching frantically for any glimpse of Alex. Finally I saw him. 

The world around me seemed to disappear whenever I looked at him. He looked perfect as always. His hair was gelled and his hands were in the pockets of some light wash jeans. The shirt he wore was new to me. It was a white short sleeve shirt with a collar. I had seen my dad wear similar ones and remembered the brand was called Lacoste. I smiled to myself thinking how fancy and grown up that sounded.

When they finally let us in we rushed in like a crowd of hungry mice. Inside it was dark with disco lights giving our faces eerie glows. It was strange at first but soon I got used to it. The ceiling was strung with large snowflakes and yellow christmas bulbs. There was a snack table in the back where we could get popcorn and peppermint and cookies. At first the three of us stood at the edge of the dance floor and watched the older kids dancing wildly, but when a song came on that we all were obsessed with, we lost our shyness and jumped onto the dance floor.

After a while of dancing, exhausted we all went to the snack table to get some drinks. The cool sweet lemonade felt good down my throat. And then I heard it. The first bars of a slow dance. It was Perfect by Ed Sheeran. The people on the dance floor had started to disperse and soon couples made their way to the center and I watched as they swayed side to side to the music. 

I started feeling giddy, I wanted a boy to walk up and ask me but at the same time I wanted to run away and hide. It was a confusing feeling, and very scary. I surveyed the room until my eyes found what they were looking for, only a little distance away. Alex. My heart sped up as I saw him turn his head around as if looking for someone. Suddenly I wanted him to find me and walk over towards the three of us. I wanted it so bad, knowing it would never happen. But then, it did.

My heart stopped beating when I saw him start towards our direction. No. Impossible. My mind was whirling with endless thoughts, explanations for this strange and absurd phenomenon. What if he knew I liked him and wanted to dance out of pity? What if he actually wanted to dance with me? What if he liked me? No impossible. What if- I stopped short as I saw him smile in our direction- what if he wasn't coming for me at all? He was smiling at us, no, he was smiling at Kenzi. 

I felt my stomach drop as he came up to her and murmured words, inaudible to my drowning ears. I knew what he said though. The world seemed to slow down as I watched Kenzi turn towards me with a questioning look, knowing full well how I felt about Alex. I subconsciously smiled and nodded, it was as if there was a string attached to both sides of my lips that pulled them upwards. I watched Kenzi turn back towards Alex and nod. He smiled a radiant smile, a smile that I had come to love and led her to the dance floor. I watched as she draped her hands over his shoulders as if she had done it all her life and he wrapped his arms around her waist. I felt Victoria's hand find me and squeeze it tightly. 

I felt no pain, only shock. But then of course he would choose Kenzi. The prettiest. It made sense now. I was unfeeling the whole rest of the dance and it wasn't until I got home that I felt the arrow of jealousy and hurt pierce through my heart. I did not cry. But my heart shed tears of envy, tears of resentment. That was the first time I ever felt close to heartbreak.