yellow (remus lupin.)

twenty seven.

TWENTY SEVEN.

Remus had never looked so sheepish the way he did when he opened his office door onto Cara. The moment he saw her, he couldn't look her in the eye.

He had barely slept the night before, the guilt of the way he had treated her weighing on his mind. He kept rolling over and expecting her to be there, messy hair splayed on his pillows with those striking grey eyes staring back at him. Yet she never was. The bed was cold and lonely, and he despised every second of it. He even left his office unlocked on the off chance she would shuffle under the covers with him sporadically.

"Can I come in? I wanted to ask your opinion on the mock exam rewrite." She spoke softly, snaking sure the passing second year Slytherins didn't get any wrong ideas.

He greeted her with feigned enthusiasm to trick the passing young children and let her into his office. She didn't relax into the safe haven like usual, and instead stood stiffly hugging herself, whilst he paced around silently. All he could do was watch her in adoration as she leant on the large windowsill, staring down into the grounds below.

Remus could tell she had been crying, she had the classic smudged eyeliner in the creases around her eyes that she was trying to play off of part of the look. The apples of her cheeks were blushed red from where she had been rubbing them and she was sniffling intermittently. Knowing he was the cause of her upset only split his heart up even more. Every day he worried he wasn't showing her just how much he loved her enough, and making her cry wasn't going to help his case.

Glancing back at him occasionally, he looked more fraught than usual. His worn down and broken appearance she recounted from their first meeting was slowly overwhelming him again. She couldn't decide whether she wanted to smother him in love, or drag out his guilt a little longer.

"You look tired." She remarked, the sound of her gentle voice coaxing him out of his Cara filled daydream.

"I didn't sleep too well." He spoke husky, perching on the edge of the couch.

"Me neither." She practically whispered under her breath.

Seeing him this way hurt her soul. She felt him move beside her, leaning against the window frame and staring down at the same patch of shrubbery she had been.

"I'm sorry." He broke the tranquility.

Cara didn't even react as she rested her head on her arms, leaning half out of the window. He swiftly matched her pose, and nestled his head just millimetres from hers.

"Cara I am so fucking sorry. I've just got so much in my head, sometimes it's easier to push everyone away. I forgot what it's like to have someone who still comes back to you after you've blocked them out." He had never sounded so vulnerable before. "Please. Don't let me be without you any longer than I need to be. I don't function without you."

Feeling the tears rising again, she turned her head to meet his stare. He too seemed on the brink of crying, but he was holding up better than she was.

"You're my world and so much more." He brushed some stray hairs out of her eyes.

Pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand that was now holding her cheek lightly, she felt a rogue droplet of saltwater slide down her face.

"Don't shut me out Remus. You don't need to be scared of me, or what I think of you. It doesn't matter what you do or what you say, I won't stop being by your side." Cara's voice wobbled, breaking his heart just a little more.

Even with verbal confirmation he couldn't bring himself to tell her. The familiar expression he had grown accustomed to when he explained his history to someone was plastered across his mind, and he saw it begin to spread across her face.

She could see him struggling to get his words straight, so decided to break the ice differently.

"If you tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Alright?" She stood up properly, him following suit.

Nodding carefully, Remus rearranged his speech in his head.

"I suppose it's better coming from me than Snape." He deeply sighed. "Since the age of four, I've struggled with the effects of lycanthropy."

Once again, she didn't react. He scanned her face for any micro reaction of disgust, but he couldn't see any. If anything, he could almost see a smile.

"I am a werewolf, Cara." He added, trying desperately to get her to understand.

"All that build up just for that?" She teased, a smirk on her face. "I was hoping for at least mass murderer or superhero."

Sighing with all the relief in the world, Remus pulled her into the deepest hug they had ever shared. She could feel his face pressed to her neck, and was sure he was crying ever so quietly. She was squeezing him so tightly he was struggling to get breath into his lungs, but he didn't care.

Years upon years he had waited for such a nonjudgmental and placid reaction. Even after finding out, she still wanted to touch him. This sort of joy he didn't get to experience often.

Pulling out of the hug, she leaned up and pressed a long kiss to his lips, enforcing just how little the news affected her.

"I love you so much. Anyone who genuinely loves you wouldn't drop you for something like that." She caught her reflection in the teary glimmer of his eyes. "And if they do leave you? Be grateful you don't have anyone so filled with hate left in your life."

Cara could have spent forever in that embrace. She felt safe, protected and loved. His tall stature overwhelmed her in love, and she melted inside even more than she thought possible when she felt him peck kisses onto her scalp, his hands smoothing her hair.

Realising she hadn't kept up her end of the bargain, she braced herself for his reaction.

"I met my dad."

His body tensed against hers, and he looked down at her with a baffled stare.

"I've been meeting with him all the time. Giving him food and stuff." She admitted. "I saw him just before I got here."

"How is he?" Remus burst into enthusiasm. "Is he okay? Is he safe?"

"He looks and smells like a rotting corpse, but he's still smiling." She chuckled. "He misses you Remus. We spoke about you earlier and he looked like he wanted to cry."

"Tell him I miss him terribly." Remus smiled. "I even miss his awful accent impressions. He'll understand what I mean by that."

Pausing for thought, an idea sprung into her head.

"Why don't you tell him yourself? Come with me next time. It might cheer him up a little." She proposed, her arms still locked firmly around his waist.

Remus pondered on the thought for a long while. As desperate as he was to see his friend again, he couldn't bear to see him in his dishevelled state. They weren't the two bright eyed teenagers they once were anymore. They were adults now, with responsibilities and stress. Remus was littered with scars from his transformations, and Sirius's face wore the brunt of his experience in Azkaban.

But it was Sirius. It was still the same sparky young man inside that battered body. It was still the person he had become closest to.

"I'll come."

—

a/n: i felt awful leaving you all on a cliffhanger i'm so sorry x