life may not be fair but it sure is beautiful

Blood of a young boy

"Your skills have progressed from what I can tell, Wangohan-sshi. Still, you had me worried with the blows you took. Are you sure you are fine?" Princess said as she poured Jungeun's tea. Anxiety filled her eyes, even if she tried to hide it behind the mask of royalty. Jungeunlooked at the princess with affection.

"I am well, your grace. Your care has made me better than before. Thank you, my princess." Jungeun said accepting the tea Jiwoo handed her with both hands. "I have and will continue to polish my skills for your safety, your grace. Don't worry."

After Jungeunspoke, silence filled the garden. It was comfortable, like wearing a really old piece of clothing that makes the person feel at ease. These past three years they occasionally spent together made their friendship bloom, in a respectful way of course. Jiwoo was still the princess and Jungeun still a citizen under her father's rule.

"Now that you are officially my guard, will you stop calling me your grace, Wangohan-sshi?" Jiwoo asked one of her brows raised to emphasize the question.

"You know very well that I can't do that, your grace. I offer my apologies for displeasing you." Jungeun said or repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time during these years.

Jiwoo, her signature frown visible on her expression, sighed as usual. "How about this, you talk as respectfully as you want when there is someone else with us but when we're alone you call me noona? You would still be respectful but you wouldn't sound like that you are only tolerating me because of my status." She proposed, hope present in her eyes. "Are you going to make your princess plead, Junghyun-sshi?"

Jungeun, slightly wincing at her name, considered what the princess offered. It was not troublesome to be this respectful during these years but now she would be seeing her every day. She would arrive at her door before she woke up and leave after she ordered or slept. And calling her noona, even if it was a bit casual, was still respectful.

"Alright, noona. I will do as you please. You can still call me Wangohan-sshi if you would like." Jungeun said accepting her offer.

Jiwoo physically beamed at her words. Her smile lighting up her face and her hands happily tapping against her glass. "Thank you, Junghyun." She said, blushing a little as she dropped the honorifics. "I have thought of a nickname for you since I've told you before, I don't think Junghyun suits you. If you like it, I will call you that."

"What is it noona?"

"Since you entered my life, I felt at ease somehow. You make me feel protected. I know that that is your duty but I appreciate it. I only felt like this when I gaze at the night sky and exchange looks with stars before I met you. You became my star, you have risen as the brightest in this long night that we call life. So that's why I've been calling you Jungie in my head for a while." She said looking up at the sky, her tea in her hands. She averted her eyes as she blushed. "Do you like it?"

Jungeun was surprised at how close the princess has come. But more than surprise, a certain dominant emotion stormed its way through Jungeun's heart. Love.

"I adore it, Jiwoo-noona. Thank you."

The rest of the evening passed with silence and familiarity as well as sneaked glances and red cheeks.

-

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a girl, Jungie?" asked the princess, her eyes focused on her book. They were reading together as usual in the royal library. It has been a year since Jungeun became her guard, they quickly settled into a pattern. The princess would wake up, greet Jungeun by sticking her head out her door, get ready for the day with her maids, have the morning meal with Jungeun on her balcony then head outside. They would sometimes go horse riding in secret. Sometimes Jiwoo would disguise and explore the villages. Sometimes they would walk in the palace garden then have tea. Sometimes Jiwoo would have lessons as Jungeun trained with others in the courtyard. And sometimes they would spend the entire day in the library, reading for hours.

"I have, noona. But my sisters made sure that I would get a taste of it. They dressed me up quite a bit." Jungeun answered truthfully. She may be a woman biologically but she was raised as a man. The thought of living as a woman crossed her mind often.

"It usually is fun to dress up but to live as a woman, I would not wish it upon anyone. The world is cruel towards us. You should count yourself lucky for being born as a boy."

Jungeun felt her lie claw at her throat as she nodded. "Even if we are spiritually equal, all humans are, our society separates us in many ways, noona. And unfortunately, it's almost never fair." She said with a sigh.

Jiwoo diverted her gaze from her book to look at Jungeun's face. Her eyes glistened with gratitude and agreement. "You have grown up quite well, haven't you, Jungie? Noona is very proud you see."

"I am honored, noona."

They fell right back in their books after that.

-

Jungeun opened her eyes lazily. She felt drained for some reason. She couldn't be bothered to get out of her room if it were up to her but she had a duty. She sat up in her bed and threw the covers to the side. Nothing could prepare her for the sight of her thighs. Her scream traveled to her mouth before she could stop it. Taeyeon hurried into the room while Jungeun checked herself for injuries. Someone must have sliced her in her sleep somehow. There was blood everywhere.

"Noona, someone must have attacked me. They must have broken in. Tell the father immediately." She ordered with panic. Something could be stolen or worse her secret could be uncovered.

Her usually silent sister started to giggle as she strolled to her side. "Jungeun-ah, you are fine. Don't worry." She said reassuringly.

"Are you out of your mind? There is a sharp pain in my stomach and I'm bleeding. How is any of this fine?" she asked angrily as she searched her body.

"Calm down Jungeun-ah. This is normal for girls. You might be used to being Junghyun, but your body knows the truth." She said getting Jungeun up from the bed. "You just became a woman, little brother. This is your moon-cycle. This means that as long as you continue bleeding once a month for like a week, you can carry children. Do you understand?"

Jungeun nodded lightly as she looked at her legs. They were covered in blood.

"Now go and wash. I will clean your bed. I will give you a piece of cloth after you bathe. You must put it right under your private parts. It will soak up the blood. You must change it a few times a day. After that go talk with our mother. She will help you."

"Thank you, noona." She said, embarrassed a little from not knowing anything like a fool. She made her way towards the bath carefully. Trying not to get caught.