life may not be fair but it sure is beautiful

Touches and bruises

It has been a week since the princess stopped summoning Jungeun to go outside. She was purposefully staying indoors so that she wouldn't have to have her guard with her. Jiwoo was pretty good at ignoring people.

Dismissing her thoughts, she attacked Changbin with all she got while sweat poured down her face. These last three hours were full of punches, kicks, and swearing. As she jumped in the air to deliver a good kick to Changbin's head, he held her leg and twisted it. She was on the ground the next second.

"Yah, Junghyun! What is with you today? This is the legendary hand to hand combat you learned in Qin?" said Changbin holding his hand out to help her get up. "Are you being easy on me?"

"No, hyung. I'm just distracted. Sorry." She answered as she got up. "The princess is giving me a hard time."

"Why don't you just quit and join the forces with us? You want to become a general like your father one day, right? How will you do that if you are stuck being her guard?"

Jungeun sighed as she fastened her loosened belt. "My father wants me to become a general and I like being her guard. It's just that sometimes I just can't understand her."

Changbin laughed and slapped her shoulder. "Woman, you can't understand their logic, little dongsaeng."

She frowned at his words but before she could say anything Yerim ran to her side.

"Junghyun-sshi have you seen the princess?" she asked breathlessly.

"She is supposed to be at the library right now." Said Jungeun slowly getting worried.

"I've checked everywhere and her horse is missing too. I assumed she was with you but others told me you were here for the last th-"

Before she could even finish her sentence, Jungeun rushed to the stables. The princess would likely do something reckless about their dispute. Jungeun groaned as she realized one of her swords that she kept in the stable was gone too. She sometimes wanted to just quit this job.

-

After four hours in the woods didn't give any clue about the princess, Jungeun decided in panic that she would go to the nearest towns and shop, maybe.

Turning her horse east, she rode with worry and anger towards the closest village. As she reached the gates she heard a voice that seemed to be yelling with anger.

"Thief! This girl right here is a disgraceful thief! She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was stealing." She heard the man yell. With a bad feeling brewing inside, she headed where the voice was coming from. What she saw a few streets ahead proved that her gut was right.

An old man was dragging Princess Jiwoo by the ear to show her to everyone. The princess was objecting but her complaints weren't heard by this man. Jungeun rushed to their side.

"What do you think you are doing, old man? Do you have any idea who you are touching?" Jungeun said as she stopped the man by stepping in front of him as soon as she got off her horse. "That person is Kim Jiwoo. Your princess."

The man's hold softened with surprise but he was not convinced. "What kind of princess steals food from her citizens?"

"A foolish one that left the palace without any money." She said locking eyes with the pouting princess. "Look, I will pay for whatever she took and we will not have a problem left."

The man looked at both of them with stern eyes before releasing the princess and holding his hand out for money. Jungeun paid the man generously and apologized as she bowed.

"That was very immature and irresponsible of you, your grace. I will be sure to report to his majesty as soon as we return to the palace. You should be ashamed of leaving everyone worried about your safety." Jungeun said as she walked towards her horse. "I apologize if I hurt your feelings but it's better than losing your trust with lying."

"I am not coming." The princess spoke for the first time. "I will continue my quest to find a master who'll teach me. I'll go all the way to Qin if necessary."

Jungeun just wanted to slam her head to a wall just then. Why couldn't she understand? Even if she was her guard, she was still under her father's rule. She couldn't just teach the princess how to kill, the king would kill her instead. "Your grace, please don't make me use force. You know I am loyal to you but this is a matter which is beyond you and me." Jungeun said, trying to convince the princess. "Please, noona, don't be so stubborn."

Jiwoo crossed her arms, a frown still present on her face and she started to walk away without a word. Her plain dress sweeping the ground and gathering dirt, she walked out of Jungeun's eyesight. With a sigh, Jungeun followed her. She directed her horse to the princess' way.

The princess reached her horse once she got to the edge of the forest. Jungeun thought she would get on the horse and try to escape but she just stood next to it.

"Come with me, Junghyun." She said, motioning her to get off her horse and follow her on foot. Jungeun obeyed.

A few minutes later, after the sound and vision of the town was left behind, when it was just the two of them, the princess stopped and turned to her. Waiting for her to speak, Jungeun leaned on a tree. But instead of speaking the princess started to undress.

Not knowing what to do, Jungeun averted her eyes as she objected. "Your grace, what are you doing?"

"Look at me Junghyun!" she ordered with a shaky voice. Her dress was down to her hips and the only thing covering her breasts were her bindings. But that wasn't the thing that caught Jungeun's attention. It was the healing bruises all over her waist and ribs. "Look at what he did to me! Look at the reason for my self-hatred! Look at what you're refusing to help me get over! Do you understand me now?" The princess yelled at her, her voice unstable and her eyes filled with tears. "Every time I see a man, I feel his hands on me. Whenever I am alone I hear his breath taking my scent in like I was a meek prey. The bruises don't even hurt, only the ghosts of his hands and intentions do. I know what was about to happen if you didn't save me. I know that I was about to be raped and afterward maybe killed, sold, or traded for gold to my father. I knew that. And I remember that every time I see a man, anytime someone touches me."

She stopped to breathe for a second. Her chest was heaving like she was having trouble breathing like she was dying inside. Her tears had traveled down to her breasts with shaky lines. When she opened her mouth again her words were accompanied by hiccups.

"So, do you see me? Do you see my misery? I know that you think that you will fight anything that comes my way. But what if you fail? You are only human, Jungie, I know you are talented and often victorious in fights but what if you fail? What if there are too many of them? What if they kill you? Why are you so hesitant to give me a chance to defend myself? Are you afraid that I will not need you and leave you? Because that won't happen. You mean more to me than my family, Jungie." She raised her eyes to meet Jungeun's. "So, if I mean anything to you, please, either train me or let me go my way. Please, Jungie-ah, I beg you."

Jungeun wiped the tears she hadn't felt on her cheeks with her sleeve as she walked to the princess. She grabbed her dress and brought it up for her to wear, careful not to touch her, in case she scared her. The princess accepted her help with teary eyes.

"Noona," Jungeun said, gulping visibly. "Can I hug you or do I resent you too?"

Jiwoo wrapped her arms around Jungeun's neck as she buried her head in her chest. "I can never resent you Jungie-ah. You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

Jungeun hugged her back as well as she made her mind. "Just after the sunrise." She said, voice low as if there were anyone else who could hear them. "We will train just after sunrise starting tomorrow. Nobody will know of this."

She heard Jiwoo cry with relief as she heard her, her shoulders shaking.

"Thank you, Jungie, thank you so much." Said Jiwoo, tightening their hug.

There wasn't a grain of regret in Jungeun's mind as they made their way back to the palace. Only the shame of not realizing the situation sooner and relieving the princess' pain earlier.