What About Yesterday? - anne with an e

Chapter 6, Part 1- Where's My Love

// "Cold bones, yeah that's my love; she hides away, like a ghost" \\

                                     ~Toronto, Lochen Lane, Wright House~
Gilbert Blythe was extremely anxious.
He paced a little, one hand by his side and the other scratching his neck. A nervous habit of his. He knew he wanted to be here, in Toronto, to be at school.
Where he knew nobody.
Why hadn't he thought about this before? Nobody from his class would go to University Of Toronto. Everyone was at Queens'! Moody, Charlie, Diana and....
Anne.
This wasn't a good idea, he told himself. He wasn't exactly sure whether he was reprimanding himself for coming to Toronto, or thinking of her. And of the last time he saw her.

~Charlottetown, Queens Boarding House, Third Floor~
Anne was horribly angry.
She sat, at one of the more hidden spots that she had discovered at her boarding house. Down a dead end, narrow gap between the mouse-sized study and the over crowded dormitory, was a forgotten window and crooked chair.
She furrowed her brow and gripped her hands around her knees. A frustrated habit of hers.
Why am I so distracted? She thought, getting in fact, even more distracted.
This only made her more furious.
Brain, stop it.
It was no use. She didn't understand why her hands kept curling into fists every time she glanced at the sheet of paper that lay on the window sill.
Well, maybe she did understand.
But she didn't like it. Not one bit. Why should she feel guilty? She had written 3 perfectly heartfelt letters, the address' reading 'Avonlea' in proud onyx ink, with carefully penned writing. She poured each and every detail of her journey from leaving the station to attending her very first lesson onto the paper entitled ' My dear Matthew and Marilla,'
Knowing they would want to hear as much as possible from her. Then just to the right of it, a letter to Ms.Stacy, full with thanks and ambition, good wishes and recounts of the various teachers at Queens she had met so far. The third and final letter was addressed to Bash. It was the hardest and the most important to write. She knew things couldn't stay the same at the Blythe farm, and Bash's mother had made sure of that, for better and for worse. She just hoped Bash could find peace in knowing he was doing the best possible thing for Delly. She hoped so.
It took twice as long to write the third letter, and for that she could blame her wondering mind. Every time she thought of how Bash was coping, her thoughts rushed to who he was coping with out. And of course with that came so many wild thoughts and feelings that it could take a great deal of perseverance and denial to tame them again.
Hence her frustration. But that wasn't the only thing that fuelled her anger, no, it was the stomach wrenching guilt that filled her whenever she caught sight of the fourth and final, empty piece of paper. It seemed to taught her, tease her, remind her of all she had lost and all she could have had. And worse of all, it took her back to that moment.
The moment she last saw him.

—————- Back in Avonlea, The August just past , in Ms.Stacy's House, Receiving Queens Results.

She watched him with awed yet angry eyes, willing the unspoken questions in her gaze to be conveyed along with it.
Did you read it? Did you laugh at me while skimming my newly fragile words? I hate the way you won't meet my eyes, and I hate the way that I want them to meet.

He couldn't help but watch her with nervous yet eager eyes, willing some confidence to rise up in him, so he could speak to her. So he could explain. He caught her eyes for a moment, and felt his chest sink when he saw her frustrated gaze. He felt an overwhelming urge to be with her, to hold her hand and explain. To study her face, to fix all he had said at the Ruins. Well, not fix them. All he had confessed to her that night had been the truest things he had ever said, he knew.
And she was still watching him.