Lake Lawley (Kian Lawley//O2L//Fanfic)

Chapter Seventeen

"...hard drugs?" Kian questioned as he took a step away from me as if I had suddenly transformed into a troll.

"Kian...those days are all over. No more hard drugs, no need to worry, right?" I replied, trying to get him to forget about it for now. I reached out for his hand in which he refused.

"Kila, hard drugs are serious. What kind were you even on?" He pulled me aside to a bench and let the guys continue on.

"Does that really even matter?" I crossed my arms, slightly frustrated. "I told you, those days are over. You don't need to worry anymore."

"Babe...this isn't just something we don't talk about. You can't just say you've done hard drugs move on now."

"What happened to the guy that said he'd be ready to listen when I'm ready to talk about it? Because right now I'm definitely not ready to talk about it." I turned away from him.

"You sure as hell seemed ready to talk about it earlier!" Kian retorted.

I huffed and stood up and started to walk back towards where we had parked. "I'll see you later Kian. I can't deal with this right now." My voice cracked.

I could hear him mumble something to himself but I couldn't make out what it was. I took a quick glance back to see Kian still sitting on the bench, his head in his hands.

I guess he couldn't handle me, well the old me, all of me. I'm such an idiot. Why do I do this? Finally I find someone worth being okay for and old me still manages to show up and then fuck it all up. I get to my car and just sit in it. I turn on the music and Man Overboard is still playing so I just let it play. I rest my arms on the steering wheel and lay my head down.

"What the fuck is my problem?" I began to cry. "How do I even manage to get a guy like that? Why did he even stick around the first night?" I slammed my fist against the dash board. "I knew I wasn't going to be able to make this last."

I pulled my chair back and leaned it all the down to where it was flat, turned up the music nearly all the way, and lied down. I reached around the bottom of the back seat, hoping to find something even mildly sharp. I had thrown those types of objects away long ago, and I had no such luck. I looked up slightly and my keys were glistening, almost mocking me in the ignition. I sat up and began to reach for them. I guess it would have to do for now.

Tap tap tap

I heard something outside of the passenger window. A sad, tall, lanky, tattooed, boy just staring at me. I let the keys dangle and looked at my wrist, then back at Kian. He was shaking his head at me and pointing at the door. I sighed and unlocked it, he got in at sat next to me. "No." Was all he could manage to say.

"No what, Kian?" I refused to look at his face, I know it would break me.

"Don't do that to yourself." He reached over for my hands, which were shaking violently. "It'll be alright."

I shifted away from him. "You can't fix me Lawley. I thought maybe...maybe you could. I thought Brax could, hell, I even though Jim could. I'm broken Kian, I can't be fixed."

"Shh, stop that. You're just a little cracked is all." Kian reached for me over the center console. "Now, can you please...calmly...explain what happened with Jim and the drugs?"

I sighed. "Okay, but promise me you won't get too upset?"

He just nodded.

"It started back when I was sixteen. I've already been kicked out of my house four or five times and it was only June. School had just got out, and I was jobless because in my town, no one needed anybody to work for them. I was in Grand Haven, just trying to do something with my life. Brax and I were distant, we were both trying to find ourselves and in turn we lost each other. I found this shitty little club at the end of the beach, tucked away behind some trees. That's where I met Jim. Jim was nice enough to offer me a job on the spot, telling me that he'd help me get to California for school in no time. I immediately agreed, not even knowing what the job was."

"You met a stranger, he offered you a job, and you just took it?" Kian asked.

"Jim has a very trusting face, and he was just being a nice guy." I replied, Kian squinted his eyes at me. "Anyways, as I was saying. He took me into the club and I was basically just a teen stripper. I'd dance, make some cash, and possibly go home with someone when the night was over. Sometimes it was Jim, sometimes it wasn't."

Kian's eyes widened, not knowing my information on past partners in the slightest.

"I'm sorry. You needed to hear it one way or another, and you asked."

He nodded, still holding my hand.

"Well that was Stage Two of self destructive Kila. Piled right on top of Stage One."

"Stage One?"

"Stage One was where broken me started. My mom hated me, I never knew my dad, my only friend was Brax, and I didn't know what to do. I listened to a lot of music to try and help soothe me but that didn't work. I cried endless amounts of hours, that didn't work, and so the only way that I could cope with the emotional pain was to cover it up with the physical."

Kian looked at my wrists, faded scars from years ago still screaming at me.

I nodded. "Stage Two was filled with mindless sex, it was destructive. I never knew where I would end up. All I knew was that I was saving for college to get myself out. All summer. I soon started to realize what I was doing to myself. It had become unsatisfying to sleep around like that. At first it was fun, but it grew old very quick." Kian's grip on me loosened, but he did not completely let go. "I always felt like I needed something more, something else. Stage Three begins. I drank, a lot. I couldn't remember a lot of the pain I was feeling, which was nice. It still just wasn't enough. One of the nights I was with Jim he saw how much pain I was in and got me into drugs. Weed just calmed me down, but I was still paranoid, upset, terrified. That's when he got me hooked on drugs like LSD, cocaine, and a couple other drugs that I didn't even know existed. They gave me a high, I felt so good, Kian." I looked up into his eyes, his eyes were filled with confusion and concern.

"I...I don't know Kila." Kian said softly. "Do I have to hear the rest?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

He sat there for a couple seconds and thought about it. "We can save the rest for later, but this is the question I've been wondering."

"Go for it." I said, relieved.

"Why are you still friends with Jim? Why are we going to his club?"

"He grew up a little, I guess. He's not that into drugs anymore. The occasional LSD and he's a pretty big pot head, but he's not a bad guy. He tried to help me in the same way he helped himself, and it worked for him."

Kian looked like he understood. "Okay, but what about the club?"

"He got rid of the strippers, it wasn't exactly funding the rest of the place very well. Plus it's just a good time." I tried to smile.

"Thank you." Kian kissed my cheek softly. "I get it. You had a long rough patch, but I'm going to end it. I'm here now, for you. I'm sorry for being a jerk about it all, I guess I just needed to hear the whole story. I understand why you rejected being physical this morning, I understand why you can be a little defensive, I understand you so much better." He pulled me in for a long, warm, and soothing hug.

"No, thank you Kian Lawley." I tightened my grasp around Kian, hoping that one day I can be there for him the same way that he is there for me right now.

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FINALLY AN UPDATE. I've literally been working on this chapter all weekend. It was nearly done yesterday but Wattpad deleted half my chapter. So I finished it this morning!

What do you think about Kila? Is she still the same girl to you or did her back story kind of change things a little? Let me know!

Okay, thank you lovelies for always being so supportive, you're fabulous, and hopefully I'll see you soon :3

***takieitback

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