hikari means light

12

TW
MENTIONS OF
- PANIC ATTACK
- SELF HATE
- TRIGGERING EATING TOPICS
- SWEARING

IZUKU POV
darkness.
That's all I see.
Buts its different this time.
There's no fear or anger.
Nothing hurts.
Its not cold.
I feel a warm sensation and physical heat coming from somewhere or someone.
I want to know where its coming from but im too comfortable here. A comfortable, warm silence without fear or pain, its......... nice, almost like a dream.
I enjoy the 'dream' for as long as I can before I feel someone lightly shaking me while softly whispering my name calling for me to open my eyes.
I groan not wanting to leave the new found warmth and snuggle in closer to whatever im laying on.
Soon the shaking becomes a little more forceful and my name is being called a little louder than before.
I decide I should probably open my eyes.
Once my eyes are open im met with aizawa slightly peering over me and thats when I realise I was laying with him- or rather.... on him? Im not entirely sure but either way I get up.

"What happend" I mumble rubbing my eyes.

"You fell asleep after a panic attack, problem child. I woke you up because dinners ready" aizawa says.

I was asleep? But sleeping is never that peaceful.
Wait did he say dinner?
They're just wasting their food and money on me. Its not like im going to eat.

"Izuku are you okay? Cmon dinners ready. Pops and auntie kayama just finished setting the table"
Hitoshi says calmly being mindful that I probably don't want to hear yelling.
Yea he's right.
Im thankful he wasnt yelling and for him asking if im ok. I just slightly nod visible enough that he can see it.
Wait did he say miss midnight was still here? Oh yay...

I dont want to speak to anyone.

Not one single person.

I remember that i still have to go to UA on Monday, probably the rest of my life until I escape and I emotionally die a little more than before. How I have no idea.
I. Dont. Fucking. Want. To.

Excuse my language

But Its going to be shit its not like anyones going to like me. Ill be the scary threatening side of myself and not let anyone see the vulnerability and innocence in me.

Because there's no point.
No one is going to stay long enough to have to know the real me.
No one wants to know.
Theyll hate it.
They always do.

Hitoshi starts walking towards where I assume the kitchen is and I follow, aizawa having already walked in there to join the other adults present in the house.

Hitoshi sits down at a large wooden table where everyone else is sitting. I look around and there's one more chair vacant in between yamada and hitoshi so I sit there. Once I sit I notice the plate of food identical to everyone else's that's been placed infront of me.

Its too much.
Its a waste.
Youre going to get fat.
Dont eat it.
They're only giving you pity.
They secretly hate you.
They're just trying to be nice they don't care.
They shouldn't be wasting their food and money on you.
Don't eat it.
Its not like you can eat it your stomach has shrunken.
Whats a little bit of hunger.
You've already gone so long.
Whats a little bit longer?
Youre not fading away.
Your already ugly and fat.
Dont eat it.

Things like this flood my mind.
They're right. Everything im thinking is right.

I sit still staring at the plate of food then looking down towards my lap while the others have started eating.

Dont eat it.

"Izuku are you not hungry? Cmon eat before It goes cold I guarantee it's delicious" yamada says trying to convince me to eat.

Dont eat it.

I look towards him and shake my head slightly 'no' making sure to maintain my nuteral, monotoned, emotionless face.

"problem child i know as much as you that you don't eat remotely close to enough a boy your age should. Eat. Now"

Aizawa said with a stern but caring voice.

Dont Eat It.

"Little listener you don't have to eat all of it? Just eat what you can. Please?"

Dont. Eat. It.

Now they were starting to make me angry.

"Why cant you just leave it? It doesnt really matter that much if I don't eat im used to it.
If I die. I die.

Simple as that.

I dont really care.

So just stop

Do the world a favour"

I mumble the last part not really paying attention to what I was saying at the time. The look on their faces were a mix of concern and surprise. Oh look miss midnight is still here. I completely forgot about her huh.
I stand up from the table as calmly as possible. I was upset and I didn't want them to see that. I also didn't want them to punish me for yelling.

I calmly but quickly walk out of the room towards the front door keeping an emotionless face as aizawa gets up to stop me.

"Kid where do you think you're going?!"

I pick up my pace as he start to run towards me. As soon as I pull the door open a pair of arm rap around me protectively. Unintentionally I flinch and let go of the door causing it to swing shut quietly.

" I said. Where do you think you're going. You're not going anywhere unless it's with one of us."

I mentally sigh at my own stupidity of not being faster and smarter about my first attempt to escape.
In all honesty im not going to try again. There's really no point.

"I was just going for a walk i was going to come back or you were going to find me anyways"
I emotionlessly say in a soft unbothered way.
"Its late so no ones going anywhere. Especially you. At anytime by yourself. Im not letting you go back out there to get hurt again."
He says angrily.

This is a pretty shitty update and hopefully I'll have a better one next time. Thanks for reading ig!

♡author♡