"A Sanctuary Safe and Strong"(Marianas Trench)

Chapter 14

Josh paused just outside the threshold, waiting to step in until Matt hit the light switch, illuminating every piece of furniture in the room. Even with the younger man at his side, Josh couldn't handle the dark. In his own irrational state, a scenario where Matt could double cross him, leading him into an ambush made itself known. No, no! Matt would never do that, he told himself, shaking his head and trying to rid himself of the idea while ghastly, bloody images flashed through his thoughts. 

"Hey, you with me?" the brunet asked, draping a pair of light grey sweatpants and a plain black tshirt over the singer's shoulder, snapping Josh's attention back to reality. 

Blinking, Josh narrowed his eyes a bit as he slowly began to realize that the object Matt was still holding out to him was a balled up pair of black socks. He'd been asked some sort of question, but he was too lost in his contemplations to hear the younger man. "What?"  

Matt sighed softly, repeating his words and dropping the socks into Josh's open palm. "I asked if you needed underwear too, and you looked kinda freaked, man. And I get it. I wouldn't wanna put my junk where yours has been, no matter how close we might be. But, they're brand new, still in the package." 

"No... What? No...it's fine. Sorry. Yeah, sure...underwear," Josh nodded, not really fully comprehending or caring what he was agreeing to. He switched the socks to the opposite hand and waited while the guitarist leaned down to open a third dresser drawer. Matt reached in, rummaging around until he found what he was looking for, then stood, clutching a sealed plastic bag. He tore it open with his teeth, holding out the package and offering it to the singer. 

Josh stared at the object in front of him until Matt nodded his head. "Take 'em." Reaching into the bag, he pulled out one of the pairs of white boxer-briefs, holding them by the waistband.  

The younger man tossed the remaining two pairs back into the drawer, closing it with his knee. He leaned back against the dresser, folding his arms loosely across his chest. "You're not really okay, are you..." It was more of a statement than a question, and Josh felt fairly certain that Matt could guess exactly why he was here.  

The blond hesitated, not quite sure how to respond. He still didn't want to go into detail about why he was currently standing in the guitarist's apartment at four in the morning, borrowing clothing and barely speaking more than a word or two. But he too tired of everything to keep thinking about it. Squeezing his hand around the socks, he shook his head miserably. "...sorry," he said quietly. 

"I figured as much," Matt mumbled. The brunet laid a hand against Josh's shoulder again and the singer flinched at the unexpected motion.  

"Sorry," he apologized again. 

Matt only sighed and removed his hand, bracing it against his hip instead. "It's...nevermind. It's fine that you're here and it's fine that you're kinda out of it. Who wouldn't be after everything you went through? But, you've gotta stop apologizing! Just cut it the hell out, man."  

Gesturing to Josh's wet clothing, then to what he had just handed over, the younger man posed the question that the singer knew was coming. "Do you want help getting that stuff off and this stuff on?"  

"Please...," Josh said, stepping back against Matt's unmade bed and silently apologizing to the younger man again, this time for leaving an ass-shaped wet spot at the foot where he sat. He finally let the blanket fall from his shoulders as he kicked off his sneakers and let Matt go to work undressing, then redressing him like a toddler. How fucking humiliating. At least Matt had the decency to turn his back when Josh decided he wanted to be the one to struggle to get the underwear up his body by himself. Having Matt do that a second time was just too much. 

About thirty minutes later, Josh was flat on his back in bed under a couple of thick blankets in Matt's spare bedroom. "You'll be okay in here tonight?" the brunet questioned as he stopped at the doorway with his hand hovering over the light switch. 

"I...um...," Josh started, turning his head to look over at Matt, framed by the overhead light in the hallway. He took a deep breath and pulled the blankets into his fist as he tried to settle himself down. "Yeah." No use trying to pretend like everything was perfect, but he would, however, play like everything was as okay as it ever would be because of Matt alone. He couldn't keep the man awake any longer because of his own insecurities. 

"You're sure, man?" 

Josh sighed and adjusted his body once more under the blankets. "Dude, I said I'd be okay. Just...get to bed. Get some sleep." The throbbing in his shoulder was back in full force and he really should have asked Matt for the medications that were most likely still in the back seat of his car, but he irrationally thought that it would be rocking the boat a little too much. 

"Alright, alright. You know where I am if you need me." With that, Matt turned off the light leaving Josh in near darkness, save for the moon and faint streetlights that shone through the window across from the bed. The brunet closed the door behind him and the singer could hear quiet footsteps as Matt padded his way back across the hall to his own bedroom. Josh was now completely alone again. Even the thought that Matt was only several steps away didn't sooth the new terror that crept up on him as the minutes ticked by.