"A Sanctuary Safe and Strong"(Marianas Trench)

Chapter 42

"You ready?" Matt asked again, looking from Josh to the front door approximately an hour and a half later, after the pair made a quick detour trip to Matt's place so the brunet could pack a bag of his own. Josh then took the slowest drive he had ever made back to his own home, the guitarist following closely behind in his own car.  

Josh raised the keys in his hand to the lock and stared down at them. Metal into metal, twist and turn, pop the lock, step inside. It all seemed so simple, so why couldn't he do it? His hand started its telltale shaking, faintly rattling the keys hidden beneath his fingers. He shook his head vehemently. "You do it," he insisted, holding the keys out to Matt. 

Matt took half a step back and lifted his hand in protest. "No, man, you have to do it." 

"Fuck, Matt, why won't you just fucking help me?" the singer demanded, nearly stomping his foot. Great, as if he wasn't feeling childish enough. What was the next step? Throwing himself on the ground and screaming? Threatening to hold his breath until he turned blue and the lack of oxygen killed him? Refusing to eat dinner? Grow the fuck up, Ramsay, he thought, rolling his eyes. 

Putting a hand lightly against the back of the singer's shoulder for a second, Matt nodded toward the lock. "I am," he explained simply. "Do it." 

Growling quietly under his breath, Josh jammed the key into the lock and rotated it. The loud internal 'click' of the deadbolt sliding away from itself caused the blond to drop his hand from the door. "I...-," 

Matt reached out and pulled the keys from the lock, pocketing them. He turned the knob and opened the door, the hand against Josh's shoulder pushing him gently toward the threshold. The blond had no other choice but to take that first step, a second, a third, then a fourth. 

Eventually, Josh was far enough inside the house to give Matt room to step in behind him and shut the door, closing them both inside. If his hand was shaking before, that was nothing compared to how he was feeling now. Logically, he shouldn't be this scared. Logic, fuck logic. That never helped him anyway. It only served to make him feel even worse about how he was already feeling, as though being scared wasn't a valid thing. "I can't. I can't fuckin'...-," he said, turning on his heel and coming chest-to-chest with the brunet. 

"Yeah, you can," Matt argued gently, reaching into his pocket to pull out Josh's keys and drop them on the table to his right. He moved both hands to the singer's shoulders and turned him around, steering him through the house and into the living room. He let go long enough to drop both the bags belonging to himself and to Josh onto the soft leather chair in the corner. "Sit?" 

Josh moved over to the matching couch, the same brand new one that had replaced the old one in the studio a month ago, and sat, curling up against the arm as tightly as he could. He pulled his feet up onto the cushion, resting the heels of his shoes on the edge. Bringing his hand up to his mouth, the blond chewed on the tip of his thumb anxiously, trying to stop the full-body trembling he didn't want Matt to notice and point out.  

"You hungry? Want anything to drink?" Matt asked, pointing a finger toward the kitchen. 

They'd just eaten less than five hours ago. Of course he wasn't hungry, not that he would have wanted food now, even if he had been starving to death back at the studio. Josh shook his head quickly, but said nothing. He stared down at his knees, inches below his nose, studying the fraying edges of the rip in the hole of the left knee of his jeans. He tugged at a loose string, further shredding the denim a bit. 

"Josh?" 

The sound of his name being called made the singer's heart pound. Jumping in his seat, Josh jerked his head up, eyes wide, looking toward the direction of the guitarist. "What??" This wasn't normal. This would never be normal in anyone's world. How had things gotten this bad? How the fuck did it ever get to the point where he was afraid of hearing his own name when it broke through the silence?