"A Sanctuary Safe and Strong"(Marianas Trench)

Chapter 17

The first time the singer woke, it was because unforgiving sunlight had snaked its way through the curtains and hit him square in the face. Josh squinted, slowly opening his eyes and looking around the room, completely confused as to where he was. The clock on the night stand told him that it was now six thirty, but was that morning or evening? Soft breathing in his ear and a nose tucked into the crook of his neck made his body stiffen and his eyes open wider. A quick check over his shoulder revealed Matt, still sound asleep and clutching onto Josh like he was a six foot-two inch tall teddy bear. But...why? 

Relaxing and closing his eyes again, the blond let his mind wander just far enough for it to stumble across what had happened two hours earlier. He remembered everything about the night before and he pulled the blanket up over his face as if he had someone to hide from. Or maybe he was just hiding from himself. Either way, he groaned quietly, highly embarrassed about it all.  

"Fuck it," he mumbled, voice thick with sleep. Settling back down, Josh knew it was too early to be awake and that he didn't want to keep thinking about the shitstorm that had been his life lately. It would be all-around better for everyone if he could check out for just a little while longer. Besides, Matt was still sound asleep behind him and had the front of his tshirt fisted tightly in his hand, so the blond couldn't have moved out of the bed without waking the younger man, even if he'd had a good reason to do it.  

He smiled a little, knowing that if the brunet was at all aware of what he was doing, he would have immediately pulled away and blushed feverishly. It was just a good thing they were finally beyond having to share beds in crappy rented motel rooms when they toured, or this was probably bound to happen again, and if it did, the entire band would definitely hear about it. Josh huffed in lieu of laughter, trying his hardest not to wake up the man currently pressed up against him. Eventually the blond dozed off again, listening to the familiar sound of the light snoring he had somehow gotten used to somewhere along the line years ago.  

The second time Josh opened his eyes, the bright sunlight was gone and the sky had clouded over. He could hear the rain ticking rhythmically against the window pane, though the curtains prevented him from seeing just how bad the storm outside really was. It didn't matter, though. Rain or shine, it usually didn't dictate how his day went or what his mood was, most of the time. Today was no exception. 

Groaning and rolling over onto his back, the blond stretched his left arm above his head, desperately wishing that he could move the right one as well. It was starting to feel extremely stiff and uncomfortable in addition to the soreness. Josh turned his head, looking for Matt when he realized that the younger man was no longer clinging to him like a koala.  

"Matt?" he rasped, reaching his arm out and feeling around the empty space beside him. It was cold. He wondered how long the younger man had been awake and why Matt hadn't bothered to wake him, too. The clock now read two-seventeen, which meant that Josh had slept for almost another eight hours. No wonder he was alone. 

The singer yawned and shoved the blankets away from his body, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and shifting his body. He sat slowly, with a bit of effort, and rubbed his hand across his eyes, trying to clear the vision that was still a little bleary. Despite being wide awake, he still felt drained, like he could sleep for another full day. The blond yawned twice more before he stood, shuffling his way over to the door and pulling it open.  

He stopped at the edge of the carpet to listen carefully for any sounds that might indicated that he wasn't completely alone in the house, but heard nothing. Well, fuck... Unfortunately, there was something Josh just couldn't put off doing any longer, so he had to venture away from the protection that the bedroom afforded him and out into the open hallway.  

A quick trip to the bathroom revealed to Josh that he wasn't quite as adept with his left hand as he was with his right, but he managed to get everything done with slightly less struggling than he'd originally thought.  

Turning to the sink, he did the best he could to wash his hand under the warm water, drying it to dampness on the towel hanging beside the counter. The blond caught his reflection for the first time since he'd been injured and he almost asked the stranger in his way to step aside so he could see himself, until he realized that he was that wounded, broken man staring back so intently.  

Deep, stippled purple bruising on his pale skin trailed across the bridge of his nose, underlining both eyes and fading them from a bright blue to grey by contrast. He looked so washed out underneath all of that, so exhausted, and so much older than he had just several days ago. I guess being fuckin' shot really does take years off your life...if you live through it, he thought, laughing at his morbid little joke. 

He lifted his hand to shoulder level and placed his palm on the mirror, obscuring his face and pressing his fingertips into the smooth glass until they turned white. Josh looked like shit, ab-so-lute shit, and there was nothing he could do about it. Healing was going to take time and he knew it, despite the driving, insistent hope that he would wake up the next morning and be right back to where he was three days ago. Happy, healthy, pain-free and just as stupidly obnoxious as ever. But, it was a pipe dream and waiting it out was his only choice. 

Pulling his fingers into a closed fist, he peered around his hand for one final look before shaking his head and deciding that he'd seen enough for one day. Or a week. Or a month. Whatever it took until he looked more like himself again. 

Sliding his hand across the glass, Josh grabbed the handle of the medicine cabinet and pulled the door open. "Mouthwash...mouthwash." He shoved aside a couple different variations of hair products until he found what he was looking for. Who knew Matt was this vain?, he wondered silently, eyeing several transparent spray bottles with coloured liquids inside. 

"Gah!" Josh complained seconds after he tipped the mouthwash bottle up to his lips. He quickly rinsed it around in his mouth and spit into the sink, gripping the edge of the counter tightly. "Fuck," he hissed through his teeth as the mint taste burned on his tongue. "Jesus Christ!" Until now, he'd been adamant about refusing to use mouthwash since his younger days when it was, as he would tell anyone, necessary to hide the person he'd become, and it brought back too many strange thoughts that he didn't want to be reliving. It also meant that he'd been able to forget about the same God-awful sting that made his eyes tear. But today, it was both necessary and worth it. He hadn't brushed his teeth in at least three days and that wasn't at all okay in his world. But it'll have to do until I can get my hands on a fucking toothbrush, he thought, running the tip of his tongue across his front teeth and cringing slightly.