Aras Karmaz
I smiled with the warmth I felt on my cheek. I raised my hand and put the fingers on my cheek in the palm of my hand.
As the childish excitement inside me disrupted the rhythm of my heart more and more with each passing second, I gave my eagerly awaited coffees what they wanted.
I released the fingers I held in the palm of my hand as the grains of hope that had formed inside me disappeared one by one with the body I saw before me. I wrap my arms around my trembling body despite the coat on me and turn my coffees back into an invisible snowy area.
"Aras."
I mumbled in my voice, hoarse from crying, while not pulling my gaze from the floor painted white.
"Sir?"
"Why are you here?"
A hysterical smile settled on my lips.
"I'm waiting."
"Who?"
I sned.
"Bulut."
He swallowed the sea and leaned into the space next to me. He put his single knee against one of the steps and broke the other, grabbing my chin with his long fingers and turning my coffee into his hands.
As I walked my dull gaze around his face, Deniz released my jaw and wrapped his arms around me. Aware that my body needed it, I raised my arms and wrapped them around Deniz's neck.
"Don't torture yourself, Aras."
As the tears began to wet my neck, he snuffed out and mumbled with his muffled voice.
"He's gone."
My dark mind has been repeating for days as if to tormenting what my heart cannot accept.
Went...
Went...
Went...
"N-no."
"Admit it, he's not here. He's gone, he's let you go."
I took my arms off his neck and pushed him with a wheee.
"NO!"
I screamed with all my strength and got up from where I was sitting.
And the sea stood up with me and stretched out his arms towards me.
"Aras-"
"No, don't come near me."
I pushed the arms extended by the Deniz and climbed the steps quickly. I turned around and started walking away.
"Don't make aras."
As my tears streamed down my eyes like rain, I wiped the tears that had been felt on my cheeks with the back of my hand.
He didn't go.
Next.
He said he'd come.
'What if he lied?'
I took my hands to my ears with the sound that echoed through my mind and closed them tightly.
"No, no, no."
'He lied to you.'
'He won't come.'
'He let you go.'
'He doesn't love you.'
'He used you.'
'It's over.'
'He's gone.'
Thousands of voices echoing through my brain suddenly cut off and repeated the same thing from one mouth.
'He's gone.'
When my legs couldn't carry my body, I stopped torturing them and left my body on snowy ground.
The voices echoing in my mind began to say the same thing one by one.
'He's gone.'
I pressed my fisted hands against the black and bowed my head.
I covered my eyelids over my coffees and let the tears that had been in my eyes flow.
It hurt.
It hurt so much.
It felt like someone was sticking the knife in your rib cage and ripping your heart out without getting you to sleep.
I put one of my hands up and pressed against my heart like I wanted to put the pain away.
"Why?"
I looked up and opened my eyelids. I turned my coffee into the sky and screamed as my throat ripped open.
"WHY!"
I reopened my lips regardless of my a pitying throat.
"Why?"
I wanted to scream, but my voice couldn't go beyond whispering.
I closed my eyes and bowed my head again.
"What have I done to you?"
I opened my fisted hands and pressed my palms cold.
I couldn't even feel the pain when the pointed stones under the snow sunk into my hand and painted the floor red.
All I felt was a feeling of being deceived and left behind.
My mind silenced the sounds it created and laid out past memories before my eyes.
"You'll come, right?"
"My future."
I sent a shaky breath into my lungs and mumbled with pain.
"I thought you were going to come?"
"Aras."
I pressed my hands more, regardless of the anxious sound of the Deniz.
"Aras your hand."
As my tears continued to flow like waterfalls, I just shrugged.
I didn't even feel it.
The sea sat next to me and put his arms around my body.
As I was a little relieved in the face of the compassion my heart was suffering, I raised my shattered hands and wrapped them around The Deniz's neck.
I let go of my hiccups and buried my head on Deniz's shoulder.
"It hurts so much, Deniz."
"It'll pass."
I pulled my nose and tightened my arms even more.
"Can you promise?"
A long silence came between us and proclaimed its verdict.
I frowned and raised my head. I turned my coffee into the hands of the Deniz.
The sea pulled one of his hands around my back and dried the tears accumulated on my cheeks. He landed in front of my eyes like a curtain, combed my hair back with his hand and pressed his lips against my eyes. He pulled back, turned his semen into my coffees and looked me in the eye with the expression of compassion flowing.
"I can't promise you'll pass, but I can promise I'll always be there for you."
I put my arms back around his neck, put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
If you came now and apologized for lying down, hugging me and promised you'd never leave again, I'd trust you again, I'd give you a big hug, Bulut...
