I LOVE IT WHEN WE PLAY 1950 (L.S)

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LOUIS POV.

It has been an entire week since Harry has spoken to me. Or even acknowledged my existence. Even in the studio he wouldn't acknowledge my ideas or arrangements for songs, and to say the boys were getting a little pissed at us was an understatement. Zayn was still cautious about Jeff finding out about our fights but Josh and Sandy said they weren't going to tell or discuss anything private with Jeff. Julian on the other hand is a lot more professional and WILL speak to Jeff about it, not trying to make things worse for us, but he will do it out of concern which is the last thing we want. Jeff down our throats.

Speaking of Jeff through we haven't heard from him or seen him since the meeting a fortnight ago, we weren't sure why, we all thought he would be all over us making sure we didn't mess up, but Harry told the boys, Jeff doesn't like to interfere with the music process as our new music needs to be authentic. He's right, with the band, especially with Made In the A.M the album it had a lot more sadder songs then happy ones, only because it was how we felt during the writing process. We write about how we felt. We were overworked and stressed. Harry said a while ago that it's a lot harder to write an upbeat happy song if you aren't feeling happy and visa versa, and Jeff, as much of a dickhead he is, knows this too. If he pressures us, it will show, and he'll be just as hated as Simon.

Even though Harry is ignoring me I'm glad he's sharing his experiences about working with Jeff with us, it means we know what to expect, we know how he works, what he tolerates as well. At first when Harry said Jeff allowed him to come out as unlabeled and because of that I thought he'd be different the Simon, I was excited to have a manager who would allow us to come out. Boy was I wrong. Harry explained that he isn't unlabeled, he wanted to come out as gay but wasn't allowed to by Jeff. Then Harry became popular and dressed a certain way, with his flashy suits and bright colours, Jeff saw it as a money-making asset and realized if Harry came out as unlabeled and not gay, he could look how Harry wanted to, but could keep the teenage girl fans who ''thought they had a chance''.

It was a bunch of bullshit if I'm honest.

Earlier this week all of us had our sessions with each other like we agreed, Liam and I had a session and Zayn and Harry had theirs. Liam and I got a lot done music wise to be honest, wrote a song called 'Say It All' which Liam wrote about his breakup with Cheryl, it sounded good and had his hip hop /pop vibe.

I remember Zayn telling us that Rainberry and I Don't Mind also did well and he wanted to add it to the album, Harry also wrote a song called 'To Be So Lonely' Zayn said it HAD to be on the album as one of the slower songs, but we haven't had time to listen to it yet. It was crazy how fast all of us were writing songs, in total we had about eight written already.

Going back to the session with Liam I also had time to speak to him about Harry. Well, more like a discussion as he didn't understand why Harry wouldn't even look in my direction. I explained, missing out the part about the kiss. I didn't want to be interrogated on 'did you like it?' 'You still like Harry, don't you?'. In all honesty I wasn't ready for that conversation, I was too confused, and I haven't even figured my feelings out myself. But my god it taken over every inch of my brain. Who knew one kiss could affect me so much, I was absolutely captivated, all I thought about was Harry, even my dreams this week had something Harry related, now you may think that sounds quite nice, to dream about Harry Styles 24/7, but let me tell you, it wasn't all romance and fluffy clouds, it was dark and twisted, Harrys harsh words from the day of the crash used to replay in my dreams, sometimes the kiss would be replayed and it was amazing but then it turned into some sick twisted vision which used to make me wake up in cold sweats.

I was just confused, it was a battle of 'Do I love him, or do I love the idea of being with him'.

Love is a strong word, a word I was now slightly scared on considering my past relationships haven't exactly gone peachy.