Identifying Sara

Chapter Seventeen

^^^idk guys lol...

The questions screaming at me in my mind keep me from remembering where I am, what I'm doing, and what the purpose is. The picture has left my body paralyzed, even my lungs feel like they are being sufficated, no air can enter. Whoever this is, my mother has a big part in this, and it scares me that she herself, might not even know he is a criminal. Psh, and she says my friends are dangerous. I swallow every urge to puke all over the computer as my eyes stay frozen in their place at the scowling man in the mug shot. The lump in my throat grows, but I click on the article beside the photo questioning myself on weather I should read it or not. My eyes skim the article, and they don't like what they see.

"Alan Hollins is America's most wanted criminal," the article reads. Bile becgins to come up in the back of my throat with every word I read so I have to swallow multiple times and on top of that my eyes begin to sting wondering if my mother may be aware of this and this could all be some big set up. "last seen in Oregon, town and exact location are unavailble.."

Another thought comes to me; maybe my mother isn't a liar, this man could be my father and he could be out there, somewhere in the world, looking for me. Maybe this is all really for my protection, but in all honesty how much more protection can I get? I'm almost in college and once I'm 18 and ready to leave, what's going to happen? I won't be able to leave the house? When I realize that my mother is insane enough to actually make that happen I suddenly feel lightheaded, on the verge of fainting right here right now. But then again, when I look closely at the picture, I don't see any of myself in him, and he doesn't resemble the man in the pictures that I've seen, so how could this be my father? I should have taken a few pictures with me before I decided to jump out the window, then I would be able to at least see a difference in their faces to assure me. However, that happens to not be the case. A voice suddenly beginning to speak from behind me makes me turn around a little too fast in my chair and it almost tips over taking me to the ground with it.

"Hey Sara," a familiar, soft voice repeats. I look up and my eyes are met with Carson's. He holds a book in one hand and the other is inside of his jacket pocket. "Oh, hey, Carson." I say softly, turning back to my computer to hide the embarrassment on my cheeks, I feel the familiar sting along with the heat radiating from my skin. I bet anyone within 5 feet of me could see the redness on my cheeks by now. Carson pulls a chair from a nearby computer and pulls it beside mine before sitting down.

"What are we looking at?" He asks. I look at him narrowing my eyes slightly, he looks right into my eyes and smiles a bright smile, full of life and happiness, you would never suspect Carson having the sort of past he does by the way he smiles. Why am I thinking about his past now? Way to get off topic. "We? What do you mean 'we'?" I ask him.

"Well, you and I seem to be the only ones at this computer at the very moment," he says keeping the smile on his face. "Also, we, is proper grammar. Should I give you a lesson on when to use the word 'we'?" I roll my eyes at his sarcasm lightly smacking his arm; however, the smile doesn't fade from his face. "Did I say you could join me?" I say as a joke but still a little harsher than my liking. I get worried that he might be offended by that, but he doesn't, instead he laughs a light, soft, laugh. I look away and hide my own growing smile with my jacket.

"I can sense you enjoy my presence Sara, you don't have to hide it." He jokes poking my ribs. I squeak and jerk away from him; he laughs again and I glare at him. I hate to admit that he's right though, his presence makes me feel calm, and he feels like better company then my mother, or Kristy which is crazy sice i've known them my whole life and Carson, only a few weeks. But since when have I ever done things normally?

"Right," I reply smiling hinting sarcasm but partly meaning it. I turn my attention back to the computer which I haven't really looked at since he's gotten here. My happiness fades all too quickly and sadly, the fear returns. I look at Carson in fear and hope that he doesn't look at the screen, but he's already looking by the time my eyes reach him and I know it's too late. Here comes the interrogation.

"Who's that?" He asks looking at me with confusion written all over his face. I sigh and close my eyes. My throat becomes dry and a worried expression forms itself onto my face without my control. My response would usually be something made up, something simply from the top of my head, but I remember my promise to myself; find you father. This all needs to happen under nothing but the truth, otherwise it'll never fall into place. Besides, I can't keep hiding who I am from people. I am nearly an adult, only a few more years, and I need to start making my own desicions no matter how dangerous they are. I don't know where this sudden courage, and trust comes from, but I know it's the right thing.

"Carson," I say slowly, "I have a lot of explaining to do."

+++

I walk alongside Carson towards his car. This is nothing like me, I usually can't even trust someone with my name and now suddenly I mentally plan to tell this boy my entire life story, and my plans for the future of course. This is somethig I couldn't even trust Chelsea, my mother or Kristy with. I almost feel like I am 100% sure Carson is who he says he is, just a normal boy in highschool trying to get through the rest of his life without being brought down by his past.

"So what do you want to tell me?" Carson asks with most of his hair hidden buy the red beanie on his head. You can only see his bangs peeking out from underneath the front of his hat. I take a few seconds to realize how attractive he really is; why haven't I noticed before? The wind is only occasional but it is still pretty cold outside and I'm sure standing here admiring his face is not how I want to start this predictable uneventful evening. I shrug at his question struggling to be completely honest after doing everything but that for so long. "I want to go somewhere where there isn't any people within a 10 mile radious." I look around at the small amount of people lingering the streets. Even though there isn't many people around, I still hold onto the fact that I can't just begin to trust everyone I see. I need limits, and I know that it's okay to have limits; it's okay to not want to spill every secret you have; it's okay.

He wears an expression that I can easily read. He is silent for a few moments signaling that he is thinking for a second before looking back at me as we walk somewhat hurriedly to get to our closest source of warmth parked on the side of the road. "I know of a place, it might take a little while to get there though."As soon as he says that, worry floods into me once again. I am having second thoughts about trusting him. He seems to notice this too because he suddenly speaks up like he knows exactly what's going through my head.

"Sara, you're going to just have to trust me on this one." He tells me giving me a sympathetic glance, something that makes the anger rise. Everyone should know that I hate pity and sympathy. He is right though, this is my own, personal desicion and with that desicion, comes with it's own little conditions. I relax thinking over the time he told me about his own life; he is just like me, that's all I need to give myself enough courage.

"Okay," I agree, "lets go."

hey guys... sorry if there is any spelling errors, i edited this from my phone so there could be a lot wrong with it. also, sorry i haven't been updating much.. school and personal issues are really bringing me down lately. i will do everything i can to keep updating frequently... i would predict my next chapter to be either Tuesday... or Friday.. maybe a day in between then but i don't know. i hope you guys understand, ily all :)

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